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A COMEDY 



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SOCIAL LION. 



A COMEDY 



-BY- 



EUGENE SHERIDAN. 



ALL RIGHTS RBSER VED, 




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New York, December, 1890, 



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Copyright, 1888, 

BY 

Eugene Sheridan. 



TMP96-006436 



DRAMATIS PERSON^. 

Lord Marley 

Sir Harry Jenkins 

Charles Seymour 

Edward Forrest 

David Wii^liamson , 

C01.0NEL Potter „ . 

Mr. Graham {a Londo?i detective) 

Mrs. Harriet Williamson 

Miss Ada Williamson .'. .. 

Mrs. Martha Braddox 

Miss Snap 

Miss Randall 

Miss Edith Forrest 

Servant 

SYNOPSIS OF ACTS. 

Act I. Scene : House and grounds of Mr. David Williamson, 
Newport, "He may take back with him an American wife." 
" My first introduction to royalty." Sentiments not calculated 
to keep one from going to the poor-house. ' ' If you wish to 
succeed attach a handle to your name." The social lion. 
" Every inch a lord!" The Colonel's wooing. A scheming 
mother. " A title around which Ada, yes, beauty, wealth and 
fashion incessantly revolve." 

Act 2. Scene i. Lord Marley 's apartments in the Bucking- 
ham Hotel. The social lion in training. The pet — the dar- 
ling of American society. " Come along, my boy, we have 
struck a rich vein at last !" 

Act 2. Scene 2. Drawing room in Mr. Williamson's house. 
" A reception to Lord Marley." The ancestry of the family. 
"It's easier for a miser to despise gold, or tor a man three 
months after marriage to call his wife an angel, than for a pen- 
niless girl to marry a nobleman." "Suspicious as Othello 
and just as wrong." " It will add to the dignity of the fam- 



ily." " Would you marry Mr. Seymour and sink into obliv- 
ion ?" Social position vs. Honor. "I could cut a figure in 
societv that would drive all the girls frantic." The Boston dip. 
" What ho ! Help ! help ! The man is mad !" 

Act 8. Scene i. Eooni in Mr. Edward Forrest's hou.se. 
" Ada dead ?" Defeat. The plan of action. 

Act 3. Scene 3. lyibrary in Mr. David Williamson's house. 
"You are utterly heartless ! You should consider who I^ord 
Marley is." " You will have the honor to be connected with 
one of the first' families in England. " '' I'll see him to the 
devil first." " It's re-gal-ized robbery." " They come high — 
yes, darn high ?" " If the man were a physical, aye a mental 
irnbecile — yes even a knave, you would have sacrificed me to be 
addressed as I^ady Marley. Vulgar fellow !" 

Act 4. Scene i. Room in Mr. Fonest's house. "An un- 
worthy social ambition, a juggernaut that rides over and 
crushes out every pleasant relationship of life." Ossification of 
the heart. Quick, or it may be too late ! 

Act 4. Scene 2. Home of Mr. Braddox. " She was brought 
up in a certain fashionable set, the main chance being the 
prominent idea." " Considering who her father was three balls 
would be more appropriate " "I cannot risk a scene." " 1 
would like to be in at the finish" " A less plebeian name 
would take half the sting out of it." ' ' He's clever" ' ' This is 
my faith in Lord Marley." " A vile conspiracy." A case of 
hysterics. Those " 75,000 pds. are all right." " What will 
become of me ? Amid all this glitter of rank, this fascination 
for title, which seems to turn people's heads and draw out 
their very souls and senses, leaving them mere automatons, to 
be swayed by him who is possessed of the same, we find some 
in whom reason predominates, who recognize that moral and 
intellectual worth count for something ; rank, position, title, 
for nothing when standing alone." " Bv Jove ! every inch a 
Lord ! Ha, ha, ha !" 



ACT I. 

Scene — Cottage and grounds ol Mr. David WilliattlsOtl, 
Newport, R. I. 
[Ada discovered making a boutonniere.] 

Ada. There now, I am sure he will like this ! A nice 
boutonniere. These flowers are just lovely and in keeping 
with his complexion too, and somewhat of the kind he has 
been sending me ; no doubt mere courtes}- on his part, — it 
couldn't be otherwise, I'm quite sure of that ! but still he 
sends them day after day, and pays me so much attention ! I 
wonder does lyord Marley think — No ! No ! Such thoughts 
are but treasou to Charles ! 

\_Enter Charles from House.~\ 

Charles. Ah, Ada ! 

Ada. [Startled] Oh ! Is it you ! 

Charles. Why, have I startled you ? 

Ada. Yes — somewhat. 

Charles. Is the sound of my voice so unfamilar to you 
Ada, as to give you a shock ? 

Ada. You know, Charles, I'm so nervous that the least 
noise coming upon me suddenly, quite startles me. 

Charles. A bouquet ? 

Ada. a boutonniere. 

Charles. And may I ask for whom ? 

Ada. For you, if you wish. 

Charles. For me, if I wish ? 

Ada. Certainly. 

Charles. But surely the acceptance of i/a's may pos.sibly 
deprive another of what was intended for him ! 

Ada. But he can have another one, — this will be for you. 

Charles. And may I ask who he is? 

Ada. Ivord Marley ! 

Charles. I^ord Marley ! 

Ada. Surely you are not astonished at that ! 

Charles. I confess I am not, Ada. 

Ada. There is a tinge of sarcasm in that replj', Charles, 
totally out of place ; there is nothing to warrant it, I'm sure ! 

Charles. No ofi^ence, dear Ada, but when one considers 



that it has been for some time past, nothing but " Lord 
Marley this, Lord Marley that," one can come to no other con- 
cUision than that the whole thought, — the whole object of men 
and women is, to laud Lord Marley. 

Ada. Laud Lord Marley ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! His advent here 
has actually developed wit and humor in you ! Laud Lord 
Marley ! That's very good ot you — very clever ; but seriously, 
dear Charles, can 3,ou blame us ? A lord is a rarity — a rara 
avis, if you wish. Of the commonality there are legions — of 
lords, dukes, earls, etc, there are but few. Of the one we see 
daily — of the other, once in a lifetime. Would you then 
deprive us of taking advantage of that once in a lifetime ? 

Charles. Is it possible, Ada, that the creation of an ances- 
try raceives more consideration at your hands, than the crea- 
tions of man's own individual effort — man's own worth ? Has 
he done anything, said anything that man's existence has been 
bettered, that entitles him to be aped in word and deed? 

Ada. Just like you ; not a bit of sentiment in your whole 
make up ! 

Charles. Sentiment! I'm possessed of it as much as any, 
but of that peculiar sentiment I'm glad it does not enter into 
m^' make up. If it did, I would change my style of dress, 
change my natural way of walking, my manner of speech, and 
affect a drawl. My treatment of men and women, when a man 
of title would be around, would also change, and possibly as a 
woman, I might be industriously engaged in making bouton- 
naires ! 

Ada {indignantly) Charles ! 

Enter Miss Randall. 

Miss R. Mr. Seymour, Col. Potter has been looking for you 
inside 

Charles- I 'U be in direct^. 

Ada. a boutonniere before you go. {Places boiitomiiere on 
coat) There now ! The contrast is so favorable — every inch a 
lord ! 

Charles. You are evidently not given to complimenting me 
to-day, Ada ! {Exit.) 

Miss R Oh, dear, isn't he splendid ! 

Ada. Indeed he is. 



7 

Miss R. Tells such droll stories, carries himself so well — 
perfectly charming ! 

Ada. Whom do you mean ? 

Miss R. Why, lyord Marley, of course ! 

Ada. I thought you had reference to Mr. Sejnnour. 

Miss R. How absurd ! I mean that while Mr. Seymour 
has all those qualities, there is a lack, not alone in him, hut in 
all the gentlemen, of that " nameless, indefinable something," 
that stamps them differently from Lord Marley. 

Ada. Isn't he lovely ? 

Miss R. Exquisitely charming, and what is more, he is not 
married ! 

Ada. He may take back with him an American wife. It 
seems the fashion now. 

Miss R. I'm sure there is not one of the girls but wishes it 
were true, and that one of us would be fortunate enough to 
have that honor. 

Enter Miss Snap. 

Ada. Here is Miss Snap. 

Miss S. Just think of it ! I missed the train, and had to 
wait an hour ! An hour of misery, but where is Lord Marley ? 
Pray introduce me ! 

Ada. He has gone with father to the stables. 

Miss S. Will he be back soon? I'm dying to be intro- 
duced ! {Goes over and looks down the road). No, not in sight ! 
If I were a man, when I missed that train, I'm sure I would 
have said something horrid. 

Ada. Patience, now, Miss Snap. 

Miss S. Is he young — handsoTie ? Oh, what foolish ques- 
tions ! What difference does it make anyhow ! Tell me all 
about him Do, do ! 

Ada. If I should commence, why we would have no time 
for anything else. So you must get your imagination to work. 

Miss S. Why, it has been at work ever since I received 
your letter ! (Listen) Footsteps ! It must be he ! [All move 
over towards the road.] ' Pshaw !' Only the Gardener ! 

Ada. Patience now, Miss Snap, you'll see him ! 

Miss S. A lord — a real live lord ! And on these grounds 
too ! My first introduction to royalty ! How shall I act ? 



8 

What shall I say ? I'm afraid I'll be unable to use my tongue — 
such introductions are so rare ! 

Ada. Act ! Why just as if he were an ordinary common- 
place man. 

\_Enter Edith from House.'] 

Edith. Why, Miss Snap, you here ! 

Miss S. I heard that you had a real live lord here, and 
naturally I came to see him. Did you see him — talk to him — 
and what do you really think of him — is he every inch a lord ? 

Edith. \_Shrugs her shoulders.] 

Ada. Edith didn't go into raptures over him. 

Miss S. Didn't! Didn't/ Edith's tastes are evidently 
plebeian ! 

Edith. If the recognition that a man's a man for all that 
is plebeian, I have no desire for a change ! 

Ada. Well ! well ! Edith, you and Mr. Seymour are well 
matched in sentiment ! 

Edith. Complimentary to me, I am sure ! 

Miss R. Very pretty sentiments, but I must say, ones that 
are not calculated to keep one from going to the poor-house. 

Miss S. Well, I'll give you all fair warning. I'm longing 
for a place among the aristocracy. I shall capture the man, if 
possible, who can offer me a title. I don't care whether it is 
Duchess this or Eady that, or not being able to catch them, 
why Mrs. Col. Snap, or Mrs. Eieutenant Snap will do. 

Miss R. Hush ! \_Goes over to the road, followed by all ex- 
cept Edith.] 

Edith. \_Aside] I would rather have the love of Mr. Sey- 
mour than ail the lords in creation. So sensible, so manly. Ah, 
but it cannot be, he's pledged to Ada, and he shall never know 
of my love ! 

Miss S. I think here they come ! 

Ada. Come away from there, Miss Snap ! It will not do to 
let him see us watching for his coming. [^Atid all move away 
and co7iverse in dumb show ] 

Miss R. Here they come ! Hush ! 

Miss S. What shall I say ? \_Footsteps are heard, and con- 
versation.] 

Ada. Hush ? [^All converse with backs to road.] 



\_Enter two stablemen, who pass down the roadJ] 

Miss S. Pshaw! They have gone down the road! \_All 
?nove over on tip toes and look J] Why, it's only the stablemen — not 
he at all ! 

Ada He'll be here soon. Come, Edith, let's go down to 
the orchard. 

Miss S. Yes, we may meet him on the way. \^Exit all.'] 
[Enter Col PoTTER and Mr. Seymour.] 

Charles. And what, Colonel, do you propose to do ? You 
and youth will at some time be distant friends. 

Col,- F. That doesn't trouble me in the least. I recognize 
while there's life there's hope, you know. Just as soon as I 
find myself rheumatic, baldheaded, in fact after all the little 
youth and beauty which I possess now are gone — why I'll 
do it. 

Charles. What ! Surely you don't intend making away 
with yourself ! 

Col. p. Yes, after a fashion. The fact is, when I reach the 
aforesaid condition, I shall skirmish around to find some young 
woman who is anxious to be an old man's darling. 

Charles. Do you expect to have much trouble in your 
skirmish ? 

CoL- P. Trouble ! (Aside) How unsophisticated ! Not the 
slightest. But vou appear to be astonished. Young men like 
you in love generally are. 

Charles. But, Colonel Potter— 

Col. p. That will do. I have been young once upon a 
time, and while having all the impulsiveness of youth, had all 
the prudence of well settled manhood, and though I have ex- 
perienced slightly the tender passion, it never carried me to 
extremities. 

Charles. Extremities ! 

Col. p. Extremities -taat is. going to the extent of asking 
some fair creature whose angel she was ; but I assure you if 
the tender passion permeates this callous heart, I'll succumb. 
{Aside) It will take a fat bank account to permeate it, though. 

Charles. If one should judge by your attentions to Mrs, 
Braddox, your callous heart has been pierced. 

Col- p. (Aside) She's worth $200,000. No chance there. 



lO 

She's a widow, and widows are not inclined to be old men's 
darlings ; it's only the debutantes in the marriage line, or in 
other words, the unsophisticated lasses, that make old men's 
darlings. 

Ch ARISES Colonel have you met Lord Marley before this ? 

Col. p. Yes ; I have had that honor. 

Charlks. Well, what do you think of him ? 

Col. P- He is all the rage ! 

Charles- Yes ; and while here, we are nothing but wall 
flowers. 

Col- p. Naturally. But did you notice his shape ? . Why 
I have been practising his style ever since I met him. {Imi- 
tates Lord Marley.) 

Charles. Can it be possible, Colonel ? 

CoL- P- If not. why not ? I am a man of fashion, in the 
swim, and go with the tide. The girls dote on his shape, 
admire his walk, and affect his mode of .speech. 

Charles. And surely what the girls dote on you seek ! 

CoL- P- Can you blame me ? 

Charles. This Lord Marley may be an impostor ! 

CoL- P- Impostor ! Pshaw ! When he comes, just watch 
him ; a lord every inch. The women never hint he is an im- 
postor ; it's only you young fellows, seeing that homage is 
paid him. 

Charles- His title you mean ! 

CoL. P. Well, it's a fact that homage is paid, and if you 
wish for the good graces, attention, etc., from the women, I'll 
tell how to do it. 

Charles. I suppose it is to act decently, be a gentleman, 
treat them with the utmost respect. 

CoL- P- Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! How unsophisticated ! One 
would think that you saw very little of society — but those 
qualities nevertheless may succeed — but there must not be a 
man of title in sight. 

Charles. I confess that society was never sought after 
much by me. 

Col. p. No ; never until you met Miss Williamson Now 
don't attempt to explain anything. It's well known of your 
engagement. 



it 

Charles. Well, Colonel, you were about to give me a 
recipe for social homage. 

CoL- P. Yes. If you wish to succeed, attach a handle to 
your name, the higher the better. A general receives more 
attention than a captain. A captain more than a lieutenant, 
and so on. Its a condition that exists in all kinds of society, 
the upper as well as the lower strata. I saw that many years 
ago, and remembering I was a colonel in the militia once upon 
a time, attached colonel persistently to my name, and what a 
metamorphosis ! As plain Mr. Potter I was nobody, as Colonel 
Potter I was somebody. 

Charles. Then while Lord Marley is here we will do to 
fill up the vacant corners. 

Col. p. Yes, and it's the fashion. 

Charles. Where are the ladies ? 

Col- p. Where's Lord Marley ? 

Charles. Down to the stables. 

Col P- Come down to the stables — we will find the ladies. 

Charles. [Going towards the road.] So gentlemanly 
deportment, intellectual and moral worth will fail, but a title 
of any kind worked up in the proper manner gives one an 
' ' open sesame ' ' to society ? 

Col. p. Undoubtedly. 

Charles. Where does the man come in ? 

CoL- P. Nowhere ! 

Charles. Where does the title come ? 

CoL- P. Everywhere ! [Exit both]. 

£nfer Lord MarlEy, Mr. and Mrs. Williamson. 

Lord M. 'Pon my word, Mr. Williamson, this is a perfect 
paradise. Ah ! it reminds me of home ! 

Mrs. W. We are much flattered that your lordship, who has 
travelled so much, who has seen such grand places in your own 
country, should bestow a word of praise on it. 

Lord M. It's perfectly charming, I assure you. In my 
travels I have seen very few more delightful places. 

Mrs. W. Talking of travels, it reminds me of my visit to 
Paris ! 

Mr. W. |[Aside] Good gracious, that visit to Paris again. 
Mrs. W. Sir William Black, who visited us last year 



t<ORD M. Ah ! an old friend. Know him well, a deucedly 
clever fellow ! 

Mr. W. a great lover of horses. He took a fancy to one 
of my best trotters. 

Mrs. W. The one you presented to him, David ? 

Mr. W. Yes. I have a letter from him and he is perfectly 
delighted with it. 

Lord M, 'Pon honor, your " Lord Harry " is a splendid 
creature ! 

Mr. W. Does your lordship think so ? 

Lord M. An amazing fine creature ! 

Mr W. He is as good as any horse that ever went over the 
turf on four legs. 

Mrs. W. [Aside] Present \\. to him, David ! 

Lord M. No flaw in his blood ? 

Mr. W. I have his whole pedigree. Let me see. His 
father was Lord Harry, his grandfather was Lord Bassett, and 
his great grandfather was Lord Perley, and his great grand- 
mother was the Duchess of Pellham, so you see he is of royal 
lineage. Bought him in England last year on our visit there. 

Lord M Ah ! fine creature, I assure you ! 

Mrs W. \^Aside\ Make him a present of it, David ! 

Mr. W. If your lordship would allow me, we would con- 
sider it a great favor if you would accept " Lord Harry." 

Lord M. But Mr. Williamson, I assure you 

Mrs. W. It's a pleasure. 

Lord M. 'Pon honor, such generosity 

Mr. W. I beg of you to forget it. 

Mrs. W. You honor us by accepting the same. 

Lord M. My father, the Earl of Glenmore, is exceedingly 
fond of horses, and your " Lord Harry " is such an amazing 
fine creature that he will be more than delighted. When you 
go abroad again, j'on must call and see my father and mother. 
I have written them of the hospitality I received at your hands 
\^Enter Ladies, Coi^. PoTTiJR, and Mr. Seymour.] 

Mrs. W. \_Aside'] David, don't forget we must go abroad 
next year ! 

Mrs. W. Miss Snap, Lord Marley. 

Lord M. How d' do. Delighted to make your acquaint- 
ance, I'm sure ! 



Miss S. [Bowing] Is this your first visit to tliis country, 
Lord Marley ? 

Lord M. It is. 

Miss S How do you like it ? 

Lord M. Vastly interesting. I have been here now three 
weeks. 

Miss S- I suppose, Lord Marley, you have decided to write 
a book about this country ? 

Lord M. I have already written to a publisher at home, 
and on my return, probably in a couple of weeks, the book 
will be published. 

Miss S. Your publisher will please consider me a sub- 
scriber. What you have to say about us will be deeply in- 
teresting, and coming from sucu a source will be authoritative. 

Lord M. Ah, thanks, very much ! 

Miss S. If your opinion will be favorable, one who has 
travelled so much, it will be quite flattering to our people. 

Lord M. The greatest charm is its women. 'Pon honor, 
the country is inhabited by amazing fine creatures. 

Edith. [Aside] "Amazing fine creatures ! " He talks of 
us as he would of his horses. 

Ada. Your lordship is exceedingly complimentary to us 
women. 

Lord M. No more than the ladies deserve. 

Miss S. [Aside] What a melodious voice. [All converse 
in dumb show except Edith and Mr. Seymour]. 

Charles. Miss Edith, it seems that the social lion hasn't 
played much havoc with your feelings. 

Edith. I see nothing in him to effect the slightest change 
in my heart or head. 

Charles. Your sentiments, I now see, are so much in com 
mon with mine that I would speak to you candidly. Do you 
think that Lord Marley has made an impression on Ada ? 

Edith. Why ask me ? 

Charles A woman's acuteness in such matters is pro- 
verbial. 

Edith. [Aside] It would be cruel to tell him. [To 
Charles] It may be that some women are subject to the 
glittering temptations of rank and position, but Ada may not 
be of that kind. 



t4 

tJHARLKS. All, would that I could think so ! [Here laugh- 
ter breaks out]. 

Ada. Bravo ! Bravo ! 

Miss S. Very clever ! 

Miss R. Verv funny indeed ! 

Col. p. [Aside] Rot ! 

[Charles and Uditu joi7i the rest.'\ 

Mrs. W. [Aside to Mr. W.] Lord Marley must take Ada in 
to dinner. 

Mr. W. Will it not be noticed ? Everybody may see 
through it and talk. 

Mrs. W. Well, what if they do ? People might as well 
know that we intend Ada to make a brilliant marriage, if pos- 
sible, and do not intend to let her throw herself away on Mr. 
Seymour. She has the wealth and beauty that should fit her 
to shine in any court in Europe. 

Mr. W. Well ! well ! do as you wish. 

Mrs. W. I'm going inside so as to give Lord Marley an 
excuse for taking Ada in. 

Mrs. W. Ladies and gentlemen, pray excuse me ! [Exit.] 
\_Seivant announces dinner7\ 

ChIrlIs. } [Offering their arm] May I? 

Ada. [Looking from one to the otlier] Ha ! ha ! ha ! 
"Two souls with but a single thought ! " [Aside] Charles, 
Lord Marley is our guest. [Takes Lord Marley 's arm. Charles 
escorts Edith ] 

Lord M. I'm glad to have the pleasure of escorting you to 
dinner. 

Ada. Are you ? 

Lord M. 'Pon honor, I assure you, it was a piece of good 
fortune I was anxious for. 

Ada Indeed, that is quite flattering ; but I didn't think it 
possible that you would exercise your brain about such a 
small matter. 

Lord M. 'Pon honor that's clever ! Mental exercise with 
you as a stimulant is pleasant work, I assure you ! 

Ada. Indeed ! Come, ladies and gentlemen, to dinner. 
[Exit all into house.] 



^5 

Laughter is heard and exclamations of Bravo ! bravo ! bravo ! 
\^Enier Charles /rom house.'] 

Charles. Ever since Lord Marley's advent into Ada's 
family, I have become a secondary consideration. She seems 
to have almost forgotten ray existence. It seems that her 
mother at every opportunity brings them together. But why 
should I fear ? Ada is my affianced wife. 
[Enter Ada.] 

Ada. All alone, Charles ? 

Charles, Yes ! 

Ada. And thoroughly contented too ? 

Charles. Well— tolerably so ! 

Ada. What ! Tolerably so, and I not with you ! Ah, 
Charles, I really thought you could not be happj' and I not 
here ! 

Charles. It was disagreeably warm inside. 

Ada. I missed you and left the company to find you, and 
here you are enjoying yourself all alone ! How selfish ! 
[Laughter is heard.] Come into the house. Lord Marley is 
a most charming gentleman, so witty and humerous, and all 
are delighted to have met him. 

Charles I dare say they all are, but I must confess I heard 
very little of his wit or humor — what specimens I have, have 
driven me out here. 

Ada. Why, you don't seem to be amused to-day. 

Charles. I must say at the moment I am not exactly alive 
to the sense of the ludicrous, unless it be at the metamorphosis 
ot speech, of walk, which Lord Marley's presence has caused 
among people who I thought possessed more sense. 

Ada. Surely this is unusual ! Why, you are not jealous of 
Lord Marley ? 

Charles Oh, no ! But I must say that since he came here 
I have developed into a nonentity. 

Ada. I have treated Lord Marley with ordinary courtesy. 
He is a stranger here. 

Charles. Apparently, so am I ! 

Ada You're cruel, Charles ! 

Enter Mrs. Braddox. 
Ada. Oh, dear aunt, I'm glad you have come ! 



i6 

Mrs. B. Well, my dear, what can I do for you both? If I 
can contribute one iota to your happiness, I shall willingly do 
so ; but how could youth and beauty on both sides, and en- 
gaged to be married — but I'm sure I cannot increase your 
happiness ! 

Ada Why, what do you think ? Charles has come to the 
conclusion that since Lord Marley came here that he is a non- 
entity ; just think of it — a nonentity, and I promised to marry 
a nonentity. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Mrs. B. Is it possible, Mr. Seymour ? It's only a way we 
women have of making strangers welcome. We may appar- 
ently slight our friends, but not forget them. Come, don't 
quarrel. Lord Marley's attention to Ada is nothing more than 
what men, even a lord, pay to beauty. 

Ada. Oh, aunt! I'm sure his attentions have been ordi- 
nary — my attentions to him have not been extraordinary. 

Charles. He has peristently sought you, to the exclusion 
of everybody. 

Mrs. B. She is right. Trust Ada. She will not be carried 
away by the glitter of a title. 

Charles. I have been unreasonable, Ada. Forgive me. I 
love you, but his attentions did appear more than common 
courtesy. You see I am jealous of everybody who comes 
near you. 

Mrs B. {Aside) What a change five years of married life 
would bring forth ! Ah, here's the Colonel ! 

Col. Ah, Mrs. Braddox ! 

Mrs B. Ah, Colonel Potter ! [^Converse.'] 

Ada. Now, Charles, I trust that your cruel suspicions shall 
cease. They are becoming exceedingly annoying I'm no 
child, and what's more, I care not to be considered as such. 
You seem to have no faith — no trust in me. If I see you con- 
versing with any of the girls, I don't get sulky. I have fai'h 
in you — you must have faith in me. 

Charles. Ah, Ada, it's all from an excess of love. 

Ada Then try to express it in .some other way. 

Charles. I will \^grabs and kisses her.'] There, now ! 

Ada. Ha ! ha ! ha ! A decided improvement ! 

Charles. Let lue try until I reach perfection ! 



17 

Ada. [Running awa}^] Some other time. There are too 
many eyes around no7a. [Runs over and looks into the house.] 

Ada. [Aside, looking into the house] What's keeping 
them? I'll go in and see ! [Exit.] 

Charles. [Aside] I know the Colonel is looking for an 
opportunity to tell Mrs. Braddox how much he thinks of her — 
I'll give him every chance. [Exit into house.] 

Col. p. [Goes over and sits down] Do you know, Mrs. 
Braddox, what I'm thmking of? 

Mrs. B. Indeed — no! unfortunately I'm not the seventh 
daughter of a seventh daughter. 

Col. p. I'm thinking what a fine thing it is to be a lord ! 

Mrs. B. Mercy ! Has lyord Marley affected you too ? 

Col. p. Is it to be wondered at when one sees the smiles 
of all the women showered on him ? 

Mrs. B. I thought the smile, or the lack of a smile, of a 
woman would — nay, could never affect you. 

Col. p. No! no! But some day it might. But now, 
if I should dare to take a woman's hand thus [takes her hand], 
and whisper love, it w^ould be hastily withdrawn. [Aside.] 
She does not withdraw it. I would have to approach her in 
fear and trepidation, and love would have to be carried on per- 
haps for years before a favorable answer ; but as a lord I would 
have no doubt of m}^ acceptance — a month's acquaintance — 
yes, a week's, and .she would be mine ! No trouble — no un- 
certainty. 

Mrs. B. You do us women injustice, Colonel. Hearts are 
trumps sometimes. 

CoL- P. Yes — sometimes. [Sighs.] 

Mrs. B. Why do you sigh ? I thought it was only the 
young or over sentimental who were given to that outward 
sign of internal conflagration. 

Col. p. Ah, I'm sighing — Mrs. Braddox, I'm sighing 

Mrs. B. Yes, Colonel, you have been sighing. 

Col. p. Mrs. Braddox 

Mrs B. Well, Colonel ? 

Col. p. Do you know that I would like to go back to the 
days of my youth, and bring you back with me ? 

Mrs. B. Oh Col. Potter ! [Withdraws her hand] Oh dear I 



i8 

[Sighs] Would that we could all go back ! With our experi- 
ence the pitfalls of life could be avoided. Oh dear ! it can- 
not be ! 

Coi<. P. You sigh, Mrs. Braddox ! 

Mrs. B. It's but an echo, Colonel. 

Coiv. P. As to pitfalls, I have been told that I am among 
the few who escaped the most dangerous 

Mrs. B. Dangerous pitfalls ! Never been jilted ? 

CoL. P. No. [Aside] Never gave one a chance. 

Mrs. B. Never bet on what I heard somebody call " a short 
horse ? ' ' 

CoL. P. No — well, yes — sometimes. 

Mrs. B. Never gambled, or spent your money foolishly ? 

Col. p. [Hesitating] Oh, no ! 

Mrs. B. » hen I give it up. 

Col. p. I never was married. 

Mrs. B. Ha ! ha ! ha ! very good, but very conceited for an 
old bachelor, and very libelous. I was married, and never 
looked upon it as a pitfall. In fact marriage was with me one 
continual round of bliss. 

CoL- P. With some — one continual round ot blister. 

Mrs. B. I never found it so. In fact I could enter again 
into that state, but — oh, what have I said ! [Rises qiuckly.] 

Mrs. p. Finish it ! finish it ! 

Mrs. B. Here comes his lordship ! 

Enter Lord Marley and all, laughing. 

Miss S- Deucedly clever ! 

Miss R. Very clever ! 

Edith. [Aside] Pointless, witless. 

Ada. I'm sure Lord Marley makes a study of droll stories. 

Lord M. Ah, thanks very much ! 

Ada. Col. Potter, you missed a treat. 

Col. P- That's to be regretted. Was it extra dry ? 

Ada. Joking again. Colonel? 

Miss S. Not that kind of a treat, Col. Potter, an intellec- 
tual one. Lord Marley told another of his droll stories. 

CoL- P- [Aside] Then it must have been extra dry. 

Mrs. W. [From house] Ada, my dear, show Lord Marley 
through the grounds. 



19 

Ada. [Going over aside] Why, ma, what is there to 
look at ? 

Mrs. W. The arbor, the orchard, the fish pond ? 

Ada. Will your lordship come down to the pond ? 

Lord M. Delighted, I am sure, with you as guide. 

Ada. Come, girls, down to the pond with Lord Marley. 
[About going.] 

Entex. Mr. Edward Forrest. 

Ada. Mr. Forrest, what has kept you ? . 

Mr. F. As usual, the train missed me. 

Ada. Mr. Forrest, Lord Marley. 

Lord M. Delighted to make your acquaintance, Fm sure. 

Ada. Charles, will you kindly escort Edith ? 

Mr. F. [Aside] Lord Marley ! Lord Marley ! Where 
have I heard that name before? [Thinking] I have it ! 
Three weeks ago I was in London — there's where I heard it ! 
and he here now. Strange ! Strange ! Very strange ! 

Mr. W. [Taking him by arm] Come, Mr Forrest, we are 
going to the fish pond- [Exit all, except Charles and Edith ] 

Charles Ah, there it is again ! And she tells me my 
jealousy is unfounded, that she is no child, that courtesy is 
the only motive of all this exces.sive attention. 

Edith. Are you coming, Mr- Seymour ? 

Charles. [Unconscious, of her presence] Can it be true, as 
she says, or am I the victim of unwarranted jealousv ? What 
have I to fear from him? My heart tells me— nothing; my 
reason, my experience in the world, tells me — everything, and 
whispers — beware ! beware ! the odds against you are many ! 

Edith. They are far down tht road, Mr. Seymour ! 

Charles. [Unheeding] Yes ! yes ! he has everything to 
capture her heart ! No ! not her heart, but to turn her head. 
He dresses well, has an aristocratic air, yes, can give to the 
woman whom he would make his wife, that privilege, that 
right, dear to woman's heart, the right to be addressed on all 
occasions as Lady Marley. 

Edith. We wall lose them, Mr. Seymour ! 

Charles. [Unheeding] Ah ! well may I fear his presence ! 
The mother — the father, fawning on him, presenting him with 
his favorite horse, after refusing $10,000 for him, from his 



brother. Ada, accepting his constant attention, his almost 
insolent condescension to men, the men and women watching 
his ever}'' movement, and imitating the same, regarding him 
with awe, giving to him respect, admiration, attention, not be- 
cause he is a man, not because he is possessed of more intel- 
lectual or moral worth than others, not because he has given a 
thought, or invention, whereby man's condition has been im- 
proved ; but because at some remote period his ancestors had 
performed, possibly, some disreputable work, the reward of 
which was a title — inherited by Lord Marley, around which 
Ada, Mr. and Mrs. Williamson, yes, beauty, wealth and fash- 
ion incessantly revolve. 

Edith. [Touching his arm] Are you going to the pond 
to-day, Mr. Seymour ? 

Charles. [Surprised] Have they gone ? 

Edith. Fully five minutes ago ! 

Charles. I beg your pardon. Miss Edith ! [Exit both] 
[Enter Mrs. W. ; goes over, looks after t/iem.'] 

Mrs. W. Eord Marley thinks well of her. She must not 
throw herself away. No ! no ! She must not. What a grand 
match it would be ! My daughter — Eady Marley ! 

[END OF ACT.] 



ACT II. 

Scene i. L,ORD Marlev's apartments in the Buckingham 
Hotel, New York. 

lyORD M. [Walking— looking in glass ; bowing-, etc.] This 
is getting deucedly monotonous ! I have been in training now 
two months, and if I don't keep it up, I'll forget myself at the 
right time, and then there will be the devil to pay, you know. 
But the game is worth all the trouble. Tet me see if I have 
it right ! [Bows.] Yes, I have that down deucedly fine ! Now 
the walk ! [Walks up and down before the glass.] Excel- 
lent, ray boy, excellent ! As to the shape — no trouble 
there. It's natural. Now for the lingo. " Awfully 
— )-es, awfull3^ Yes — I really now. Don't say so! 
But, ah ! let me see ? Oh, thanks ! very much ! 'Pon honor " 
Now for the laugh. [Boisterously.] Ha, ha, ha ! Oh, no, 
that will never do ! That's too loud — decidely vulgar — unaris- 
tocratic, you know. I must tone it down ! [Laughs ] Ha, ha, 
ha ! No, that will not do. Once more, [lyaughs softly.] Ha, 
ha, ha! That's it! I have it ! That has the true ring in it, 
in case I condescend to laugh. [Goes over and looks in the 
glass] Ah ! fine shape ! it catches them though it would make 
very little difference if I were twisted all out of shape. It's 
not the man — it's his position, By Jove, every inch a lord ! 
Who would think of it ! Six months ago, eking out a pre- 
carious living as a confidence man, and now' the pet — the 
darling of American society. The women whisper when I'm 
around— " Every inch a lord ! " It pays, by Jove ! It was a de- 
cidedly lucky thought that set me thinking this way. I 
have brushed up against many of the aristocracy and can as- 
sume the role, especially after practising two months. Con- 
found, Jenkins — I mean Sir William Jenkins. He thinks I 
want to get rid of him, and is continually reminding me who I 
am, the very thing I wish to forget. 

\^E7iter servant with an arinfid of letters^ 
Lord M. Leave them on the table. [Exit servant.] 
Lord M. [Looking intently at letters.] Must I wander all 
through that stuff ? Well, it all comes from being a man of 
title in a strange country. [Sits down, opens letters.] Ah, 



22 

from Mrs. Henderson. I have received a daily invitation to 
honor her by dining with her. Ah, well, the poor woman has 
six ugly daughters, whose whole conversation is about their 
great-great-grandfather, who was a relative of Lord Bramble. 
When I get hard up for a dinner, I accept. [Reads.] Nothing 
but invitations to dinners, receptions, teas, enough to keep me 
going for a whole year. Ah, 'tis a pity some day this ideal life 
will have to come to an end. Ah, from Mrs. Wilcox. She's 
worth a million, but she has three sons, four daughters. The 
daughters are eligible for marriage so far as their ages are con- 
cerned, but hang it, they must all get a share of her money. 
I must waste no time. [Reads.] Ah ! from Mrs. Williamson. 
A reception in my honor. I'll be on hand, my dear Mrs. Wil- 
liamson, and will take particular care to pay strict attention to 
your daughter Ada. If a quarrel between her and her would- 
be husband will result, so much easier for me I have the 
mother — shall I get the daughter? [Knocks are heard at door.] 
Come in ! 

\_E71ter Sir Harry Jenkins.] 

Sir H. Is Mr. Peter Smith at home ? 

Lord M. No, sir, he is not ! 

Sir H. Is Lord Marley at home ? 

Lord M. He is, my boy — he is ! 

Sir H. Ah, let me congratulate you, my Lord. You're 
getting along deucedly well, by Jove ! 

Lord M. Yes. 

Sir H. I say, Peter — I mean Lord Marley — if you were to 
trace up your ancestry, you might find that you are a lineal 
descendant of Lord Chesterfield, and as a legacy you came in 
for a share of his aristocratic manner. 

Lord M. [StiflQy.] Shouldn't wonder ! 

Sir H. But I say, Pete, drop that stiff manner — you're 
with Jenkins now ! 

Lord M. Right, Harry, right ! To be as I am is more 
congenial. To act the part of an aristocrat is somewhat of a 
strain. To be .supercilious, to grumble at everything, to damn 
the climate, runs against the grain, but without these qualifica- 
tions I can hope never to succeed. 

Sir H. You have succeeded deucedly well so far, by Jove, 
you have ! 



Lord M. I have trained long enougli. 

Sir H. You're the go, my boj% you're the go. Harry Glad- 
wish tried the same thing last year, but failed. 

IvORD M. Yes, simply because he acted like the people he 
came in contact with. 

Sir H. You have a great head ! 

lyOKD M. And a fine shape, too ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! But Glad- 
wish should have treated everything with contempt. They 
would notice the difference and success would be certain. 

Sir H. [Pointing to letters.] What are those ? 

Lord M. Invitations. 

Sir H. By Jove, we are in luck ! 

Lord M. I have one from Mrs. Williamson. A reception 
to be given in my honor. 

Sir H. She has a fine, rich daughter ! 

Lord M. Yes, a charming creature, with an ambitious 
mother. The old man is worth a couple of millions. 

Sir H. You don't say ! 

Lord M. It's true, Harry, it's true ! 

Sir H. ' Oh, it must be, or you would tiever h.3i\Q sent the 
daughter a basket of flowers every day. 

Lord M. You know me well, my boy ! 

Sir H. But what do you intend to do ? 

Lord M. Marry the daughter. 

Sir H. Marry her? 

Lord M. Yes — why not ? 

Sir H. But, Pete, you cannot masquerade as Lord Marley 
forever ! 

Lord M. Well, what of that, ray boy? There are no en- 
tangling alliances to prevent it. I'm not married ! 

Sir H. But exposure will come, and then — 

Lord M. And then ! 

Sir H. And then the jail ! 

Lord M. Oh, no, my dear boy ! There is no reason in the 
world why 1 should go to jail. It's not a crime to marry. I 
would not be a bigamist. Kxposure will undoubtedly come, 
but I have every hope that it will not come until alter the 
charming Miss Wilhamson will be Lady Marley. Of course, 
eventually, they will look for a divorce, and will get it — for a 
big consideration ; see ? 



H 

Sir H. Ah ! Great head ! 

L,oRD M. Aye, and a fine shape, too ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! You 
see, ray boy, they will wish to keep things quiet to save them- 
selves from ridicule, and I will gladly consent to a divorce. 

Sir H. And where will I come in ? 

IvORD M. Well— I'll go back to the old country. 

Sir H. You^ 

Lord M. We, my boy. We! We'll go back and live on the 
fruits of my two months' training, and when our finances get 
low, we will work another section of this blasted country. 

Sir H. It looks promising, but who is the fellow that pays 
her so much attention ? 

Lord M. Her would-be husband. She's engaged, but that 
makes no difference. I have completely paralyzed her mother. 
To the crowd. I'm somewhat supercilious ; to her somewhat 
condescending. Result, I'm about to ask for the hand of her 
daughter. 

Sir H. Her purse, you mern. 

Lord M. Well — yes, and I can imagine her eager reply — 
" The honor you confer on us, etc." Her daughter is ambi- 
tious, somewhat thoughtless, and I think has a hankering after 
vours truly. 

Sir H. Ah ! Great head ! 

Lord M And a fine shape, too ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Sir H. By Jove! if it were not for Elizabeth at home, I 
would be sending a basket of flowers daily to some charming 
creature, and marry her ; but it would be bigamy, and I don't 
want another acquaintance with jail life. 

Lord M. Well, my boy, your i art of the business will be 
to talk me up. Talk about my connections in the old country. 

Sir H. The ones that are in jail ? 

Lord M. Be serious, my boy, be serious. Talk about my 
aristocratic relations. The Duke this, the Duchess that, etc., 
and we'll succeed. 

Sir H. Ah ! Great head ! 

Lord M. And a fine shape, too ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Sir H. What did you do with the letters ot introduction? 

Lord M. Oh, they are all right ! 

Sir H. No suspicions as to their genuineness ? 



25 

Lord M. No. I presented them. The one of Lord Ambler, 
who was here last year, and created such a furore, did the 
work. Poor fellow, the week before we left he died ; so if they 
grow suspicious and try to consult with him, why — 

Sir H. Why, it would be a very grave mistake on their 
part. 

Lord M. Hold on, Harry ! Don't ! I can't laugh at such 
witticisms. If you want encouragement preserve such efforts 
until some reception in my honor, then you will have an ap- 
preciative and applauding audience. 

Sir H. No offence meant, my bo}-. 

Lord M. Lady Fraley, another of the introducers, is also 
dead. 

Sir H. Of course, you knew of it before they w^ere written ? 

Lord M. Certainly, but exposure will only be delayed ; so 
I must marry a girl of large wealth before he arrives. 

Sir H. Ah ! A great head ! 

Lord M. Yes, and a fine shape, too ! (Straightens himself 
up). Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Lord M. Do you remember the story that Billy Smart told 
us a year ago about the lady and the mouse ? 

Sir H. a deucedly stupid one it was. 

Lord M. Deucedly so, my boy. At Mrs. Williamson's I 
told it, and while you and I could never see w4iere the joke 
came in, the whole company burst out into uproarious laugh- 
ter. Some said it was capital, others excellent, and all voted 
it decidedly clever. 

Sir H. Did you join in the laugh f 

Lord M. Yes, my boy. 

Sir H. By Jove, you had better go into practice again — 
3'ou'll expose yourself. 

Lord M. I couldn't help it. I had to laugh, you know, at 
the idea of telling such a witless story. 

Sir H. Were there no other stories told ? 

Lord M. Many ; full of wit — full of humor. 

Sir H. And plenty of boisterous laughter, eh ? 

Lord M. Not a laugh, Harry — hardty a smile. 

Sir H. Then Lord Marley must have told but one ? 

Lord M Aye, and it satisfied them all. 



26 

Sir H. Ah, that accounts for it. Great head. 

lyORD M. Ave, and a fine shape too. Ha, ha, ha ! I say, 
Harry, you must start for home to-morrow, and await a cable. 
When you get it send the letter at once to Mr. Williamson. 
It means success. 

Sir H All right, Pete. Make haste while they are all in a 
paralyzed condition. 

Lord M. Well, let us go. I'm deucedly hungry —let us 
honor Mrs. Lennox with a visit. I promised her to call again, 
and being deucedly hungry we can find no better place just at 
present. Fine dinner she gives, and plenty of good wine, you 
know, Harry! That's an inducement. 

Sir H. And costs us nothing ? 

Lord M. Nothing, except my two months' training. 

Sir H. No danger of forgetting yourself? 

Lord M. No, my boy, no ! Just see, [Walks, bows, puts 
on glasses, laughs.] Awfully, yes awfully ! Don't say so! 
But ah, let me see ! Ah, thanks, very much. 'Pon honor. 

Sir H. a great head ! 

Lord M. And a fine shape, too ! Ha, ha, ha ! Come 
along, my boy, come along, we struck a rich vein at last. 
[Exit both, arm in arm.] 

End of Scene i. Act 2. 



Scene 2. Drawing-room in Mr. David Wili^iamson's 
house, New York. Miss Snap and Miss Randall discov- 
ered, conversing. 

Miss S There is a more frequency of these receptions to 
Lord Marley, than mere friendship or courtesy demands. 

Miss R. What, then, is her object? She certainly has 
something in view ! I never knew Mrs. Williamson to do any- 
thing disinterested in her life ! 

Miss S I dare say a connection with Lord Marley. There 
isn't anything, almost, that she would stop at to accomplish 
that end. 

Miss R. Considering the sacrifice some people make and 
are always willing to make, it is not improbable. 



^7 

Miss S. Well, can you blame her ? It must be the all-con- 
suming desire of ever}- family. Indeed, no girl whom I know 
would be silly enough to refuse should he make her the offer. 
She would, indeed, be a favored girl. 

Miss R. But she's engaged to Mr, Seymour ! 

Miss S. Well, that makes very little difference. Ordinary 
men may be caught daily ; a Lord once in a life time, and besides 
I know full well the pride, the ambition of Mrs. Williamson, 
and if Mr. Seymour were not as wealthy as he is, the engage- 
ment would never have taken place. You know he is in the 
paper stock business. 

Miss R. Ada, I'm sure, inherited the ambition of her 
mother, and her thoughts, feelings, and heart have been 
moulded according to her mother's fancy, and as my brother 
would say, she's a " chip of the old block ;" but Mrs. William- 
son could have no just objection on the score of his business. 

Miss S. When you consider Mrs. Williamson's ancestry, 
indeed she could not consistently do so. 

Miss R. I always understood that her father was a banker. 

Miss S. Yes, a banker of the kind that young men some- 
times visit when they wished to raise a few dollars on the 
watch their dear girl presented them. 

Miss R. Dear me! that surely was not the fate of the watch, 
you presented Clarence. 

Miss S. Indeed ! Not much ! 

Miss R. It's something new to me to hear that Mrs. Wil- 
liamson's father was in the pawnbroking business. She guarded 
her secret well. 

Miss S. Yes, pawnbroking business, and consequently en- 
tertains the profoundest contempt for everything plebeian. Oh, 
my ! you ought to hear her say, when I mentioned Mrs. Brown 
and Mrs. Pell's name, "Parvenu ! parvenu !" [Both laugh]. 
Just as if she had license to talk that way ! 

Miss R. So Mr. Seymour is in the paper sock business ! 

Miss S. Yes — the paper stock business, otherwise known 
as the rag business. 

Miss R. I can imagine the shivering Mrs. Williamson would 
undergo every time she would hear the cry, "Rags! rags! 
old rags ! " 



Miss S. No doubt that contingency was duly considered, 
but Mr. Seymour's wealth subdued the objection. 

Miss S. I should think Lord Marley would inquire into the 
family's ancestry — who they were — who their grandfather was, 
and all that. 

Miss R. Yes, it would be well, if he cared anything for 
that ; these people generally do. Then we might have a 
chance. 

Miss S. Indeed. I shall give him a hint. 
{^Enter KdiTh.] 

Miss R. Hush ! Change the subject, here's Edith ! 

Edith. I venture to say the subject under discussion is 

Miss S. Lord Marley, of course, and the matrimonial pros- 
pects of some of us. 

Miss R. I'm sure I would not refuse him ! 

Miss S. It would be exceedingly flattering to have an offer ! 

Miss R. What think you, Edith ? 

Edith. I never gave such a thing a thought 

Miss R. No ? How so ? 

Edith. I have not the chief requisite to bring one of his 
kind to ray feet ! 

Miss S. Let me know that requisite ! If it can be acquired, 
I'll go into training at once. I'll be satisfied if I can bring 
him as far as my arms — not my feet ! 

Miss R. We'll, what is it ? 

Edith Why, I haven't a dot to bring him ! 

Miss R. Personal charms, respectable family, might ac- 
complish what wealth could not. 

Edith. It's easier for a lawyer to refuse a fee. 

Miss S. Or a woman to climb a tree ! 

Miss R. Or for a miser to despise gold ! 

Edith. Or possibly for a man three months after marriage 
to call his wife an angel, than for a penniless girl to marry a 
nobleman. 

Miss S. Now, if a married woman^^said that I wouldn't be 
surprised. 

{Enter Ada. J 

Ada. What a delightful man Lord Marle}^ is ; he waltzes 
like a .seraph. 



29 

Edith. What beautiful flowers, Ada ! 

Ada. Yes — aren't they lovely? Lord Marley has been 
sending them daily for some time now. 

Miss S. Indeed, Ada, you're the most fortunate girl I 
know. 

Edith. [Aside] Accepting Lord Marley's attentions and 
engaged to Mr. Seymour ! 

Miss R. Isn't he aristocratic looking ! 

Miss S. Such hands, such feet ! Aristocratic breeding 
tells. No matter how ugly they may be, there is something 
about them that stamps them differently from the common 
run of men. 

Ada. He is a thorough aristocrat. 

Miss R. He has the " unmistakable air of the grande no 
blesse." 

Miss S. That manner that " no money can purchase— no 
art imitate." 

Ada. Yes, it comes from refinement of many generations. 

Edith Freaks of imagination are responsible for such 
gush. Take a man — any kind of a man — dress him well, 
stamp him as a duke, an earl, a lord, or even a sir, and the 
imagination of nine tenths of people will conjure a man to- 
tally different from the commonality. Strip them of that one 
adjunct — his title — and the devotion changes its character. 
He's treated with ordinary politeness. 

Ada. You see Edith's democratic taste will assert itself If 
Charles were here 3^ou would hear him cry, " Bravo ! bravo !" 

Miss S. 'Pon honor, Mr. Seymour has evidently been inoc- 
ulating Edith with his leveling notions. 

Ada. Or perhaps she has been inoculating him. 

Miss R. Well, he is a fine type of an English gentleman — 
so much self a.ssurance, and I must say I like that. 

Miss S. How nice this would sound, "Lady Marley, nee 
Miss Snap !" 

Edith. Miss Snap, what would Mr. Allen say to such sen- 
timents ? 

Miss S. Very little I would care for. If Lord Marley sought 
my hand in marriage, Mr. Allen would have to make love to 
some one else. 



3<5 

Ada. I must say that " lyady Marley " would sound just 
lovel}' ! Come, let us go into the ball-room ; all the gentlemen 
are there. [Exit all. Pause]. 

\Enter Ada ^«<? Charles] 

Ada. ''You are as suspicious as Othello, and quite as wrong." 

Charles. If it were true, I feel as if I could act as he. He 
loved Desdemona not more than I love you ! 

Ada. Is it possible that you could give such thoughts reign 
— that a mere suspicion would develop murderous thoughts in 
you ? 

Charles. Ah, Ada ! you know not the depth of my love. 
When Lord Marley, he who everybody lionizes, of whom it is 
said that no woman would be silly enough to refuse, when he 
approaches you so persistently, seeks you to the exclusion of 
everybody — he who knows of our engagement — I writhe be- 
neath every smile you bestow. Is it a wonder that I fear his 
attentions ? 

Ada. You mistake Lord Marley's attentions. 

Charles. You may, Ada, others do not. 

Ada. Others? which others? 

Charles. All your friends. 

Ada. Would they — would you — have me turn Lord Marley 
away ? He is a stranger to whom we are bound to extend all 
hospitalities ? 

Charles. Boxes at the opera, daily rides in the park, a 
bouquet every day bespeak more than mere gratitude for such 
hospitalities ! 

Ada. What would you have me do ? 

Charles. Prove that my fears are groundless. 

Ada. How ? 

Charles. By marrying me to-morrow ! 

Ada. To morrow ? 

Charles. Yes — to-morrow. 

Ada. To-morrow ? Why this undue haste ? 

Charles. Because I would feel sure that you are mine irre- 
vocably. That I could clasp you in my arms, and happily 
and proudly exclaim — my wife ! 

Ada. But, Charles, in one month it may be my privilege 
to call you husband. A very short time. 



31 

Charles. Ada, I would speak candidlj'. Lord Marie}' ad- 
mires you. His very actions are significant of a more than 
friendly feeling. I love you ; but in a contest of a plain Mr. 
Seymour, vs. Lord Marley, there is a feeling based on the ex- 
periences of others in the past, which rises in me, causing a 
feeling of dread, that Lord Marley, notwithstanding our en 
gagement, will ask your hand in marriage, and while trusting 
in your love, there is an element of doubt which you can set 
at rest — by a marriage to-morrow. 

Ada. Well, well ! Charles, you have not sufficient faith 
in yourself — all your good qualities — as to pit thein against Lord 
Marley's. For my part, I would not make one effort to hold a 
man who showed the slightest inclination towards another 

Charles Ah. Ada, your love is not as strong as mine. 
I love you with my whole soul ; aye, to such an extent that 
the bare thought of a possibility of losing you makes my life 
miserable. Will you not end the misery to morrow ? 

Ada. Misery to morrow ? Ha, ha, ha ! who knows but 
it ma}^ be the beginning of your misery — not the ending ? 

Charles. Do not trifle, Ada ! 

Ada. Well, seriously, Charles, my love is more sensible. 
Come, let us join the rest of the company, and not talk about 
marrying to-morrow. Probably this one month of bachelor- 
hood which you still have, will be looked upon by you some 
day as the only oasis in your life. 

Charles. I'll sacrifice, then, that oasis to call you wife to- 
morrow. Shall it not be, Ada ? 

Ada. Why, to marry you to-morrow would be stealing one 
month's real genuine happiness, which they tell us some mar 
ried men often sigh for. Come along, I must have that waltz 
now ! The to-morrow will come one month from now. 

Charles Be serious, Ada, be serious. 

Ada. No ! no ! no ! I shall give you one month more of 
paradise in spite of yourself. See, I'm more solicitous for 
your happiness than you are yourself. Come, come. They 
are playing a waltz now. [Music is heard.] 

Charles. Ada, do you refuse ? 

Ada Refuse ! Why, if I were selfish I would not, but as 
•I am not, I still insist that you shall not deprive yourself of a 
month's bachelor bliss. Come, let us have that waltz. 



32 

Charles. Ada, listen ! 

Ada. Come, the waltz will soon be over. [Exit Ada. 
Charles following, calling Ada ! Ada !] 

{^Enter Mr. a?id Mrs. Williamson.] 

Mrs. W. Ada's interests — our interests — v/ill be conserved 
by such a marriage. It will add to the dignity of the family ! 

Mr. W. How about Charles ? 

Mrs. W I'll arrange that. I'll make the announcement of 
Ada's engagement to Lord Marley. He will seek an explana- 
tion, and will get it ! 

Mr W. Ada may not so easily consent ; she may defy 
parental authority. 

Mrs. W. Not the slighest fear of that. In affairs of this 
kind, Ada, even if she were very much in love with Mr. Sey- 
mour, which I doubt, would never let her heart dominate her 
head. While she fancies Mr. Seymour somewhat, I assure you 
when the case is presented to her she will consent. 

Mr. W- Well, well ! Present to her the advantages of 
such an alliance. That it would please me and please you. 

Mrs. W- Ada is in the conservatory with Lord Marley and 
Colonel Potter ; go in and keep them company, and tell Ada 
I would like to see her. 

Mr. W. Tell her we have given our consent to Lord Mar- 
ley. [Exit.] 

Mrs. W. I'll be very much mistaken if Ada should object. 
How could she ! What a fine thing to have him as a son in- 
law ! What a grand match it will be ! She shall marry him ! 
She shall. What a difference between Lady Marley and Mrs. 
Seymour, wife of a dealer in paper stock. Paper stock ! It 
use to be called "rags!" [Shudders.] It must not be ! It 
SHALL uot be ! 

{Enter Ada.] 

Mrs. W. Ada, my dear, I want to speak to you about Lord 
Marley ! 

Ada. What about him, ma ? 

Mrs. W. He has paid you great attention lately, and ad- 
mires you— nay, loves you, and 5'our father and I were discuss- 
ing the subject of marriage, in which your name and Lord 
Marley's were mentioned. 



33 

Ada My name and Lord Marley's ! 

Mrs. W. Certainly ! His attentions to you were more than 
mere friendship would warrant. I noticed it — your father also, 
and we expect when Lord Marley honors you by asking your 
hand in marriage, you will give it to him. 

Ada But surely this is rather sudden, and besides, Charles 
would despise me. 

Mrs W- Mr Seymour ! The world — the society of which 
you are a part will not There's Miss Paul, who is engaged 
to Mr. Johnson, Miss Hilhard, who is engaged to Mr. Black, 
and Miss Snap, who is engaged to Mr. Allen, to judge from 
their conversation — yes, their very actions, would ask nothing 
better than this grand and brilliant opportunity presented to 
you now 

Ada. I'm sure I like Charles somewhat. 

Mrs. W. And you must forget him ! Your wealth — your 
beauty should not be hidden. Would you marry Mr. Sey- 
mour and sink into oblivion ? 

Ada I hardly think it would amount to that ! 

Mrs W. When men struggle do they not try to reach the 
highest pinnacle as statesmen, as soldiers, as merchants ? Why, 
then, should you not strive to attain the highest pinnacle of 
woman's ambition — social homage, social supremacy ? 

Ada. True ! true ! but in seeking that path, should not an 
honorable one be chosen ? 

Mrs. W. Tut ! tut ! tut ! As Mrs. Charles Seymour you 
would be lost to the world ; as Lady Marley honored among 
the honored. Be reasonable, be sensible, Ada. Lord Marley 
is in love with you to such an extent, that he wi// honor you 
by asking your hand in marriage 

Ada. Has our wealth something to do with it? 

Mrs. W. Wealth ! A man who is heir to one of the 
largest estates in England ! Wealth ? Nonsense ! Love and 
wealth are not inseparable, neither position and love ; besides 
Lord Marley has already asked us tor your hand. 

Ada. And your answer, ma ? 

Mrs. W. Yes — of course. 

Ada As my welfare and my happiness are concerned you 
might have consulted rqe ? 



34 

Mrs. W. When, my dear child, I look after your best in- 
terests, no consultation is necessary. He awaits your reply. 

Ada. And it would please father ? 

Mrs. W. Yes; he is as anxious as I'm for your welfare. 
When I married him he was a man of very little wealth with 
all its disadvantages, though I did not know it at the time we 
were married, and for many years I was lost to my friends, but 
fortunately he inherited a large fortune from an uncle, and by 
tireless energy, we occupy the position we do now. It's with- 
in your province to attain a position of the highest without a 
struggle. An heiress like you should look high — higher at 
least than a mere dealer in paper stock. I have always lived 
in the hope that you would make a fortunate match. Besides, 
you should remember the snub the Parkers gave us, and 
there will be a chance to return it. Come, Ada, take advan- 
tage of this brilliant opportunity- 

Ada. [Debating with herself ; then aside.] Lady Marley ! 
how aristocratic that sounds ! Mother is indeed right. If by 
any unfortunate circumstance Charles' wealth would be lost, 
why what would become of me ? Socially, there would be no 
position for me. My friends would one by one drop away, but 
as Lady Marley, wealth or no wealth, caste— yes, caste — would 
not be lost. Besides how brilliant is the offer and how dazzling 
the position would be as Lady Marley. Why I would cut a 
figure in the world that would drive all the girls frantic ! [To 
Mrs. W.] Ma, then let it be so. 

Mrs. W. Sensible girl ; I knew, when presented to you, 
reason would sway yon. 

Ada. How shall we break the news to Mr. Seymour ? 

Mrs- W. [Aside, gladlv.] Mr. Seymour ! I have arranged 
all that. 

Ada. Did you write Mr. Seymour ? 

Mrs. W. No — but I anticipate your good sense and caused 
a paragraph to be inserted in the Jo2irnal announcing the en- 
gagement of Miss Ada Williamson to Lord Marley. I sent a 
marked copy to Edith, who, I suspect, has a more than friendly 
feeling for Mr. Seymour, and who will no doubt make haste 
to show it to him. It will save, the trouble and annoyance of 
an interview. The news will,, UQ doubt, rea,ch. him quicke-r 



35 

that way than if I sent it to him direct. The paper might lie 
for daj-s at his own home before being opened. I only regret 
that we invited Mr. Seymour to the dinner next week, but 
Edith will show it ere then, and he will stay away. I shall 
send Lord Marley to you and you can accept him in your own 
words. [Aside.] Fortunate girl. [Exit ] 

Ada While I must say I really did admire Mr. Seymour 
somewhat, I never did admire his business, and if I had 
married him I would insist on his giving it up, and entering 
into some other business, more in keeping with — well, what 
our position demanded. I hope he will recognize all is over 
between us, and he will have the good sense not to call for an 
explanation. Oh, dear ! what chagrin they will all undergo 
when they have to congratulate me ! me! Lord Marley's affi- 
anced bride ! — Lady Marley. 

{^Enter Lord Marley.] 

Lord M. Ah, Miss Ada ! 

Ada. Has your lordship been enjoying yourself? 

Lord M. Ah, rather ! Have I presumed too much when I 
addressed yon as Ada ? 

Ada. Too much ? Indeed, no, Lord Marley. 

Lord M. Ah, Miss Ada, I am a man of very few words you 
know. 

Ada. I'm sure that whatever your lordship says is always 
to the point. 

Lord M. I always try to be brief, and dislike haggling 
over anything. 

Ada. a quality I always did admire in people. 

Lord M. Ah, thanks, very much ! It was the way I was 
brought up. Haggling looks too much like the ways of these 
common trades people. 

Ada, Your lordship will find your way the easiest way to 
get along in the world. Father and mother always acted on 
your idea. 

Lord M. Good idea ! [Aside.] Deucedly expensive. It 
looks as if I had her.] As I said I dislike haggling, so Miss 
Ada, what do you think of me for a husband ? 

Ada. You, Lord Marley, as my husband ? 



3^ 

Lord M. Yes — you as Lady Marley. Your parents have 
alread}' given their consent. Have they told you ? 

Ada. Yes ; ma has told me something about this honor, 
but the honor is so great -so unexpected, and besides you 
deserve a better wife. 

Lord. A better wife ? Ah — no ! Where could I find her ? 

Ada. Why, among the titled ladies of your own country. 

Lord M. 'Pon honor, Ada, you do yourself injustice. I 
have travelled in every clime, and have seen women of all 
kinds of beauty, but I never lost my heart till I came to 
America, never lost it till I came to Newport, never lost it till 
I met you. 

Ada. I'm sure. Lord Marley, you flatter me . 

Lord M [Aside] That's what I'm trying 'o do Oh, 
really, no ! It is I who would be flattered in having you for 
a wife. My father — Earl Glenore — will be immensely de- 
lighted with you, I'm sure. 

Ada. [Aside.] Daughter-in-law of an Earl ! How grand ! 

Lord M. He is anxious for me to be married, and I have 
written him that I would prol^ably bring home an American 
wife. 

Ada. What did he say — was he pleased ? 

Lord M. Delighted ! I wrote him a full description of you, 
and he replied, "Bring her home at once. She is just the 
woman fit to preside as Lady Marley." Miss Ada, do you not 
love me, and will you not be my wife — Lady Marlev ? 

Ada. This is an honor. Lord Marley, that I never dreamed 
of — but — yes. 

Lord M Ah, Ada, when the Earl sees you how immensely 
delighted he will be. It was my intention to continue my 
travels, but since I have something more interesting to attract 
me, I will return home. 

Ada. Soon ? 

Lord M. As soon as you will let me. 

Ada. How can I do so ? 

Lord M. By a marriage at an early date. 

Ada. I am in your hands. Lord Marley. On whatever day 
you may be pleased to make me your wife, do so. 

Lord M. Ah, let me see ! [Aside] Two weeks will be 



enough time for him to get that letter and make the settlement. 
Ada, I will cable at once to have our new home in denshire 
put in order, so this day two weeks I will have the pleasure of 
calling you my wife. 

Ada. To-morrow if you wish. 

Lord M. To morrow. [Aside] I wish it were ! I have 
some matters to settle here, and in two weeks it will be — my 
wife ! [Embraces her ] 

Ada. And — my husband ! 

Lord M. [Both moving towards the door.] I can imagine 
the reception we shall have from the tenants of the estate. The 
fires on the hill tops — the tenants lining the roads for miles, 
the hurrahs ! 

Ada. What a grand sight that will be ! 

Lord M. Yes— grand sight ! [Exit both.] 

{Enter Mr. Forrest, Mr. & Mrs W. and Ada.] 

Mrs. W. What do you mean? 

Mr. F. I mean that he is an imposter ! 

Mr. W. An imposter! Why his very looks, deportment 
ought to convince you that you have made a grave mistake. 

Mr. F. His kind are the sleek rascals of the world ! 

Ada. You don't expect me to believe this ! 

Mrs. W. His letters were of the highest and from people 
we had the honor to know. 

Mr. F. Forgeries, no doubt. 

Mr. "W. What do you intend to do ? 

Mr. F. Summon him here and tax him with being an im- 
poster- 

Ada. No ! No ! You shall not ! He shall not be subjected 
to such indignity ! 

Mr. F. If it is your desire to harbor an imposter, I shall 
let the matter drop. 

Mrs. W. Well, Mr. Forrest, your proof? 

Mr. F. Well, about a week before I left England, I read 
in the London papers of the departure of a Lord Marley with 
some friends on a trip around the world, and when at Newport 
I was introduced to him, I thought it was strange. I imme- 
diately sent for the London papers, and here they are with an 
account of his departure. [Reads.] "Yesterday afternoon 



38 

Earl Pelhatn, accompanied by Lord Marle}% Lord Morris and 
several other friends, sailed in Earl Pelham's yacht "Victoria," 
on a trip around the world. Their first destination is the Med- 
iterranean." 

Ada. There must be some mistake. 

Mrs. W. Undoubtedly there is. 

Ada. I thought you were going to be very convincing and 
dramatic about it, and say : " Allow me to introduce Lord Mar- 
ley," and Lord Marley would enter from his concealment. 

Mrs. W. It can only be some newspaper mistake ! 

Mr. F. We .shall see. With your permission I'll invite him 
here and tax him with being an impostor. You can overhear 
our conversation. 

Ada. Would you have us act as spies ? You should con- 
sider, Mr. Forrest, to whom you make such a disreputable 
proposition. 

Mr. F. It's a. specimen of strategy, and justifiable under the 
circumstance I have no fear that when I threaten him he 
will recognize we have unmasked him, and will quietly take 
his departure. 

Mrs. W. I consent, though I warn you, if you make a mis- 
take, you shall bear the consequences. I'll allow this, for I'm 
sure Lord Marie}' will vindicate himself. 

Mr. F. I'll accept all responsibility. Go into that room and 
await our coming. [Aside.] If I can save Ada from that ad- 
venturer I'll be doing her and Charles a good service. [Exit.] 

Ada. I dislike this. I'm sure he is wrong ! I wonder could 
Mr. Seymour be urging him on ? All the men .seem jealous of 
the attention Lord Marley is receiving. 

Mr. W. Come ! Come ! Lord Mar!ey will be able to take 
care of himself ! [Exit into side room.] 

\_Enter CoL. PoTTER and Mrs. Braddox. 

Mrs B. Yes, indeed. Colonel, you are right. Quite a differ- 
ence between then and now ! 

CoL. P. Yes, Mrs. Braddox, in tho.se days everything was 
done with calmness and dignity. Now it's a mad whirl, every- 
thing done at a rapid transit gait. 

Mrs B. I look upon it as a hop, a skip and a leap. Even 
Lord Marley, who, one would think, would be familiar with it, 
did not venture. 



39 

Col. p. He showed there much sense. One who would at- 
tempt to dance without being thoroughly familiar with each 
movement would cut an awkward figure. 

Mrs. B. In these days of perfect shapes, an awkward figure 
would be a calamity. 

Col. p. Yes, even the best of them reminded me of a jump- 
ing jack. 

Mrs. B. Or a hop toad, though you must confess it good 
exercise— every muscle of the body brought into play. 

Col. p. Splendid exercise— for the young. 

Mrs. B. What do they call it ? 

Col. p. The "Boston Dip." vSo different from my daj's. 

Then it was a gentle round-about, now it is [Waltzes 

about.] 

Mrs. B. No ! No ! not quite, Colonel ! Something like 
this ! [Waltzes.] 

Col. p. Excellent, but a little more dip 

Mrs. B. How ? 

Col. P- I'll show you. [Takes hold and both waltz with 
a dip.] 

Enter Mr. F. and Lord M. 



Mr. F. I ^^ , 
Lord M. j ^" ' 



Oh! 



Mrs B. 

Col. p. 

Mrs. B. Come, Colonel, I'll show you the picture. [Goes 
over and quickly pushes open door of room where Mr. and 
Mrs. W. are concealed]. 

Mr. W. [Within] Oh ! 

\_Enter Mr. W. with his hand up to his eye\ 

Mrs. B. Mercy ! what have I done ? 

Col. p. You have treated Mr. Williamson to an eye-opener. 
Mr. W. An eye closer. 

Mrs. W. Oh, it's nothing ; we were just coming through. 
Lord M. Are you hurt, Mr. Williamson ? 
Mr W- It's nothing. 

Mrs. B. This is unfortunate. I was about going to show 
Col. Potter those nev/ paintings in the library. 



40 

Ada. By all means show him. 

Mrs. W. We probably interrupted a private conversation 
between you gentlemen. We shall be in the librarv. [Exit 
all.] 

Mr. F. You may be surprised, sir, at the call, but I shall 
endeavor, with your assistance, of course, to be as brief as 
possible. 

Lord M. A.h ! thanks very much. [Aside] What does 
the fellow mean ? 

Mr. F. I'll endeavor to be plain- Don't you think it would 
be to your best interests just at present if you had sailed with 
your friends on that trip around the world ? 

L,ORD M. [Aside] Can the fellow suspect ? Around the 
world ? 

Mr. F. Yes — around the world — with your friend, Earl 
Pelham. 

Lord M. 'Pon honor, man, I'm at a loss to understand you. 

Mr. F. Come, come ! I repeat again, don't you think it 
would be to your best interests if you had sailed with Earl 
Pelham ? 

Eord M [Aside.] I must not hesitate. Sir, who presumes 
to question what is to mv best interest ? 

Mr. F. I. ' 

lyORD M. [Surveying him ] You! 

Mr. F. Yes, I, and — possibly some officens of the law. 

IvORD M. Officers of the law ! 'Pon my word man are you 
mad .-* 

Mr F. Come, now, let us settle this matter quietly — for 
Mr. Williamson's family sake. I'll give you ten minutes to 
leave this house 

EoRD M. Request me to leave the house ! Really I must 
do you the justice to admire your assurance ! 

Mr. F. I ask you to leave this house quietly in order that 
Mr. Williamson will be spared the exertion of kicking you 
out. 

Lord M. Sir, you go too far. 

Mr. F. Well, as you are evidently determined to feel my 
power, I'll trouble you to listen to a short narration. 

Lord M. This is really becoming deucedly interesting. 
Pray proceed ! 



41 

Mr. F. [Reads.] Earl Pelhatn, accompanied by lyord 
Marley, lyOrd Morris, etc., sailed on a trip around the world. 
Their first destination is the Mediterranean. That was a week 
before I left England. I sent for these papers, as I was much 
surprised to see Lord Marley here. 

Lord M. Really you take great interest in ray affairs ! 

Mr. F. Now, sir, this must end at once If you refuse to 
leave I'll denounce you as an impostor before the guests. 

Lord M. Insolent puppy ! I'll — 

Mr. F. Will you leave ? 

Lord M. Who are you ? 

Mr. F. a friend of the family who desires that your im- 
position on them shall cease. Will you leave ? 

Lord M [Aside] It's my only chance. You're a crazy man. 

Mr. F. You compel me to denounce you 

Lord M. You must be mad ! [Running over to the door, 
grabs cane and calls loudly.] What ho ! Help, help, help ! 

\_Enter all.^ 

Mrs. W. Pray, Mr. Forrest, what is the meaning of this ? 

Lord M. Call the police — the man is mad ! 

Mr F. [Advancing.] Impudent rascal ! 

Lord M. Call the police ! 

Mrs. W. Do you take this house for a bar-room, Mr. 
Forrest ? 

Mr. F No — but that man evidently does ! 

Lord M. Impudent scoundrel ! 

Mr. F. I'm under the painful nece.ssity of informing you 
that this man is an iraposter. 

Company. Impostor ! 

Ada. Iraposter? This is outrageous ! 

Mr F. This man is not what he pretends. The real Lord 
Marley sailed in Lord Pelham's yacht on a trip around the 
world, one week before I left England. 

Mrs. B. Explain yourself, Mr. Forrest. 

Mr. F. Ladies and gentlemen : I was in London three 
weeks ago, and read of the departure of Lord Marley on a trip 
around the word. Naturally, when introduced to Lord Marie}' 
at Newport, I was greatly surprised. I sent for the English 



42 

papers, and here is an account of I^ord Marie}- 's departure in a 
yacht for a trip around the world ; " his first destination is the 
Mediterranean " 

L,ORD M. 'Pon my word this is a surprise. The way I was 
approached I thought I was in the hands of a madman. I will 
explain. The account is partly true, and had he taken the 
trouble to ask me in a gentlemanly way to explain, I would 
have done so, and the insult would never have taken place. I 
did intend to make a trip around the world, but at the last 
moment, hearing that the Mediterranean will be the first place 
to visit, and as I have often been there, I changed my mind 
and determined to visit this country, of which I heard so 
much. So my friends, Earl Pelliam, Lord Morris sailed with- 
out me, with the expectation that I meet them in China, which 
place I may visit by way of San Francisco. 

Mr. F. I don't believe it. 

Lord M. Sir ! [Advances.] 

Ada. How dare you insult our guest ! 

Mr. F. His presence tieie is more of an insult than I can 
offer. 

Lord M. Impertinent rascal, I'll whip you ! [Advances, 
raises cane.J No ! No ! I had better leave ! I might forget 
myself and resent his violent language ! 

Ada. [Aside to Mrs. W.] Order Mr. Forrest out, ma ! 

Mrs. W. Your conduct is absolutely disgraceful, Mr. For- 
rest. You have insulted our gue.st, grievously so, and without 
the slightest justification, and I think it will be for the best in- 
terest of us all that you retire. 

Charles. Mr Forrest has made a mistake, and will apolo- 
gize. [To Mr. Forrest.] Come, Edward, you evidently made 
a mistake, and apologize. 

Mr. F. No; I haven't ! I'll not apologize. I'll unmask 
him yet ! 

Edith. Do apologize, Edward ! 

Ada. [To Lord M.] Will you not accept an apolog}^ for 
my sake ? 

Lord M. For your sake — yes. 

Ada. Lord Marley will accept an apology, Mr. Forrest ! 

Mr. W. Come, Mr. Forrest, make an apology. 



43 

Mr. I^. I have no apology to make him. 
Mrs. W. Then accept the consequences of this folly. Kindly 
oblige us b}' retiring at once. 

[Mr. F. bows atid retires .'\ 

END OF ACT II. 



ACT III. 

Scene r. Room in Mr. Edward Forrest's house. Edith dis- 
covered looking through paper. 

Edith. Edward made an awful mistake. Lord Marley's 
explanation appeared plausible, but still Edward insists that 
he is an impostor, and has cabled again and again to London, 
without receiving a reply that would justify one in declaring 
that Lord Marley is oris not an impostor. Lord Marley's family 
are somewhere abroad, which the London police cannot locate. 
It will soon be cleared up, no doubt. I wonder who could 
have sent this paper. I'm not a subscriber. Probably a sam- 
ple copy. [Reads]. 

\_Enter Charles]. 

Charles. Ah ! Miss Edith, where' s Edward ? 

Edith. I'm expecting him every moment. 

Chari^ES. Rather exciting times lately. Miss Edith ? 

Edith. Edward is quite of that opinion. 

Chari.ES. a most dangerous thing to collide with a lord. 

Edith. To judge from my limited experience, it is as dan- 
geious to the head as it is to the heart. 

CharIvES. Lord Marley hasn't made an impression on you ? 

Edith. Oh, dear, no ! All the impression has been made 
on Edward. 

ChareES. What, then, as to the dangers to the head and 
heart ? 

Edith. Lord Marley's advent has turned the heads of all 
the girls. Miss Snap has fallen into the habit of saying "deuc- 
edly clever !" etc., while Miss Randall has acquired the habit 



44 

of surveying one from head to foot fully a minute before 
speaking. 

Charles. I have noticed these changes, and am pleased 
to see that your contact with royalty has not changed you in 
the least, in word or deed. 

Edith. I have been told my tastes are somewhat plebeian. 

CharIvES. Our tastes are somewhat in common, so Ada 
says. Do you know, Miss Kdith, the man who gets you for a 
wife will be a fortunate fellow ! 

Edith. Indeed ! 

CharIvES. By Jove ! if I never met Ada, and was fortunate 
enough to know your good qualities, I would make every effort 
to have Edward as a brother-in law of mine 

Edith. Treason, Mr. Seymour ! Treason to Ada ! That's 
a beautiful flower. 

Charles. Yes; Ada gave it to me at the reception. I have 
preserved it well. Ah ! here is Edward. 
[Enter Edward]. 

Charles. You're looking well, old boy ! 

Edward. And feeling well, too. 

Charles. Your first encounter with the royal guards was 
not quite effective. The royal guards die evidently, but never 
surrender. 

Edward. In our next encounter the royal guards will be 
put to flight, horse, foot and dragoon ! 

Charles. Something new ? 

Edward. I have written to London for full particulars ; 
I'm fully convinced that he is an impostor. 

Charles. He is a good one if he is ! His — "What, ho! 
help, help ! the man is mad," was clever. 

Edith. As Miss Snap would say — " deucedly clever !" 

Edward. He has made a deep impression on the William- 
sons ! 

Charles- And, of course, incidently on you too ! Ha, ha, 
ha! 

Edward. It was decidedly rough. 

Charles. Oh, of course, it was; Lord Marley has since 
that affair actually made his debut in the laughing line. " So 
deucedly funny, you know," he says. 



45 

Edward. He says ! The fun may be on my side yet. 

Charles. I hope so, Edward, and we'll all join in the 
laugh — that is when lyord Marley is exposed. 

Edith. I'm afraid at the progress Edward is making we 
will never have that pleasure. 

Edward. We shall see. 

Charles. By the way, Mrs. Williamson has a penchant for 
the aristocracy. A few years ago. Sir William Black was re- 
ceived with a great deal of fuss. [Sits down and takes up 
paper.] And Ada, I'm afraid inherits a little of her mother's 
feelings in that line, but — [Startled.] What's this? 

Edith. What's the matter, Mr. Seymour ; are you ill ? 

Edward. What is it — any one dead ? 

Charles. Yes ! 

Edith. Who ? 

Charles. Ada ! 

Edith. Ada dead? 

Charles, [Handing paper.] Read ! 

Edith. [Reads.] " The engagement of marriage of Miss 
Ada Williamson, only daughter of Mr. David Williamson, to 
Lord Marley is announced." 

Edward. Dead ? 

Charles Yes ; dead to me. I see it all now ; it was but 
a tew days ago that she told me my fears were groundless — 
that Lord Marlev's attention meant nothing, and to think that 
she was playing me false ! Duped ! Duped ! 

Edith. It maj- be a mistake. 

Charles. No, no, no ! The rides in the park — daily 
bouquets ! Fool — stupid fool that I was, not to see it all ! 

Edward. Cheer up, old boy, it will be all the same ico 
years from now. 

Charles Blind — blind fool that I was. In a few days 
this will be noised abroad and the ever-ready tongue of gossip 
will be busy with my name, and I shall become a subject of 
jest for the crowd ! 

Edward. You were no different from other men in love. 
Yours is not an isolated case ; many idols are ruthlessly 
shattered, Charles, and sensible idolaters generally set up 
other ones. Do likewise ! 



46 

Edith. lyct no such action by a woman, Mr. Seymour, 
break your heart. 

CharIvES. [Violently.] No, No ! I cannot forget this 
treatment ! I shall wring the truth from her lips ! She shall tell 
me herself, aye herself, whether it is true or false ! she shall ! 
[About to go out.] 

Edward. [Taking hold.] Now hold on, Charles ! 

Edith. [Aside.] Don't let him go, Edward ! 

Charles. Eet me pass ! I must see her now. [Struggles.] 

Edith. Pray be calm, Mr. Sej^mour. Ivet reason sway 
you. We feel for your distress, but let not your anger prompt 
you to do anything rash ! 

Edward. Take it cool, Charles ! The thermometer is about 
95, and if you visit Ada's home, excited as you are, you will 
send it jumping up to 125 there. 

Charles. I cannot stand it ; I must go ! My head will 
burst ! 

Edward. Don't get excited now ! You may meet Lord 
Marley and his head and yours might burst. Take it calmly, 
coolly and quietly as I did once upon a time. I met an 
amazing fine creature a few years ago at the Branch — 

Charles. Let me go — I cannot listen ! 

Edward. Patience, my dear bo)', patience ! 

Edith. Is it possible, Edward, that Lord Marley has in- 
fluenced your mode of speech too? A woman "an amazing 
fine creature ! " The next thing we will be classified as 
cattle. 

Edward. If I ever say anything disparaging to the sex, 
I'll marry one and that will be penance covering a life time. 
But the woman I met at the Branch, and was stricken with, 
led me on — the artful one, till I proposed. 

Edith. A bit of secret history ! 

Charles. Oh, let me go ! Hang the woman at the 
Branch ! 

Edward [Solemnly] Amen ! 

Charles. I am going now. 

Edward Wait at least till I tell my story. vShe not only 
refused me, but actually said that her treatment of me didn't 
warrant such conduct on my part. Conduct ! after placing my 



47 

heart and fortune at her feet. Do 5'ou think I pined after her? 
Not much ! So take it philosophical!}- ! 

Charles. Would that I could ! Would that I could ! I 
must go at once. She shall tell me ! [About to go out.] 

Edward. Now you are too violent ! lyisten, and we will 
consider what is best to be done. There will be a dinner at 
Mrs. Williamson's. You received an invitation some days ago. 
You go there and note how you are received. This may be a 
mistake of some gossiper. Manage to see Ada alone, and man- 
age to bring up this subject. Remember to keep cool. If it's 
true, accept your fate with dignitj'. 

Charles. I'll try to. Will you be there ? 

Edward. I ? Oh, no ! At the sight of me, there might be 
a cr3' of " What, ho! Help! Help! The man is mad!" 
Edith is expected, and will be there. 

Edith. Come now to lunch, and you will be sufficiently 
calm for the interview. 

Charles. If it is true, I trust I ma)^ be able to contain my- 
self. [Aside] Eittle do they know the struggle that I'm un- 
dergoing in trying to remain" pa.ssive ! 
\_End of Scene.'] 



Scene 2. Library in David Williamson's house. Mrs. 
Braddox discovered. 

Mrs. B. Things cannot go on this way much longer ! I 
shall have to speak out, and plainly, too ! Such deception ! 
Engaged to Mr. Seymour, and engaged to Eord Marley at the 
same time I In my young days we were satisfied, and were 
considered, fortunate indeed, if we secured one, but now a girl 
is not considered so unless there are a half a dozen attached to 
her apron strings, so she can make the best choice. As for en- 
gagements — .some consider they are made only to be broken ! 

Enter Ada. 

Mrs- B. Come here, Ada ! 
Ada. Well, aunt? 

Mrs. B. Ada, I'm going to appear a little rude and unkind, 
but you know my character for frankness. 



Ada. Well, aunt, to the point then ! 

Mrs. B. I'm aware of your engagement to Lord Marley. 

Ada. Yes? Ma has told you then ? 

Mrs. B. She has, and I wish she never had occasion to do so ! 

Ada. This is unexpected ! I thought you would be the 
first to congratulate me ! 

Mrs. B. Under the circumstances, you do me little justice, 
Ada ! 

Ada. How so ? 

Mrs. B. Mr. Seymour has been treated most outrageouslj'. 
Engaged to Mr. Seymour and to Lord Marley. 

Ada. Oh, Mr. Seymour will get over it ! There may be a 
little flurry — buy he will soon calm down. 

Mrs. B. You are utterly heartless, Ada— a proud, unfeel- 
ing girl ! Has Lord Marley turned your head ? Why did you 
lead Mr. Seymour on and then cheat him so, making a foot- 
ball of his love? Has Lord Marley flattered your vanity so, 
that you have lost all respect ? 

Ada. Aunt, I do not like to be talked to in this way, and 
I won't ! I love Lord Marley, and, what's more, I intend to 
marry him. You should consider who Lord Marley is ; his 
position, and his great family connection, and besides, what 
could Mr. Seymour offer me ? Nothing that I haven't got. 

Mrs. B The love of an honest heart. 

Ada. You know Mr. Seymour's business, and for him you 
would ask me to sacrifice that position which all the girls are 
anxious to attain ? Surely, aunt, credit me with some little 
sense. 

Mrs. B. And it is for that you would sacrifice, spurn, (now 
after having accepted) a heart whose offerings were laid at 
your feet. You, who are bound by every tie of faith, loyalty 
and honor, to another ! Position, indeed ! why your grand- 
father — my father — was in the pawn-broking business ! 

Ada. Ma has denied that time and time again. He was a 
banker, and you should not say otherwise. You must not ! 

Mrs. B. [Aside.] It's no use. Why not then inform Mr. 
Seymour at once and end this deception ? 

Ada. Deception ? Pray, aunt, kindly use some other 
word? Ma sent a marked copy oi\.\\^ Journal to Edith, an- 



49 

nouiicing the engagement, expecting she would be only too 
anxious to show him it As Mr. Seymour acts as if he knew 
it not, Edith evidently failed to do so I will have father 
write to-night and the matter will be settled without a per- 
sonal interview. 

{Enter Mrs- Williamson.] 

Mrs. W. Well, well ! Martha, are you filling Ada with 
your levelling and antediluvian notions? 
Mrs. B. Would that I could If she— 
Mrs- W. Now don't commence. In a short time you will 
have the honor to be connected with one of the first families 
of England. Just think of it ! 

Mrs. B. You know nothing of the man — his character. 
Mrs. W. His position in life is sufiicient guarantee of his 
character. 

Mrs. B. Well, as long as you are determined in the 
matter, for goodness sake, tell Mr. Seymour at once ! 

Mrs. W. To-day is not the time, or here the place ; it 
might create a scene. David will write to-night. His presence 
here to-day is quite unexpected. 

Mrs. W. Here they come. Treat Mr. Seymour as of old, 
Ada, so he will not su.spect anything. Not a word, Martha ! 

{Enter I^ord M., Charles, Col. P., Edith, Miss R. and 
MissS.] 
Ada. Tired of dancing already ? 

lyORD M. Ah ! we are charitably inclined, and have given 
the musicians a rest. 

Ada. How considerate you are, I^ord Marley. 
Col p. [Aside] The musicians did well in giving us a rest. 
That last waltz was abominable. 

Ada. Now, Charles, won't you oblige with a story— some 
thing new and original ? 

Edith. Mr. Seymour, I think, has a new stock of stories. 
Charles. A new and original one ? Impossible ! 
Ada. Anything at all — if there is only humor in it. 
Charles. Well, I'll try a new one. I'll repeat a bright re 
mark of a little boy to his mother. " Ma," said the boy, ' lend 
me two pennies." "Two pennies," said the mother, "why, 



5° 

child, you already owe me a penny for every hair on your head." 
"I know it," replied the boy, "and when I get baldheaded, 
I'll commence to pay you." 

Lord M. Ah ! where does the joke come in ? I dont see it ! 
Chari.e;s. [Aside] Get a screwdriver !] Now, the little 
boy says he wants two pennies. The mother says, ' ' You owe 
me a penny for every hair on 3^our head." lyittle boy says, 
"I'll begin to pay you when I get baldheaded." Probably 
when he has five hairs on his head ! See ? 
IvORD M. Ah ! Deucedly clever boy ! 
Ada. Clever indeed ! 
Miss S. Deucedly clever ! 

Ada. Will Lord Marley oblige ? I'm sure he hasn't ex- 
hausted his supply of droll stories ! 

Lord M. Ah ! Thanks very much ! Ah ! Yes, let me 
see ! It was at a ball given by the Duchess of Dorkshire. 
Lady Harbeck, while conversing on a lounge with my friend, 
Sir Harry Jenkins, dropped a rose. "Oh!" said she, "Sir 
Harry, I have dropped my rose ! " " Aw — yes— to be sure," 
said Sir Harry, and he rose [pause] from the lounge and picked 
it up. It was here that Lady Harbeck made a deucedly clever 
remark, and in a few days it was repeated at all the clubs and 
in every drawing room. "Ah! Sir Harry," said she, after 
thanking him, and placing the rose in his buttonhole, " I shall 
always consider you as one of the he-roes [he-rose] of this 
evening." 

Company. [With the exception of Charles and Edith.] 
Bravo ! Bravo ! Bravo ! 

Ada. That's the best story I heard this year ! 
Mrs W. Well told, Lord Marley — exceedingly we!l told ! 
Mr. W. a capital story ! Ha, ha, ha ! 
Lord M. Ah, thanks very much. 
Mrs. B. Now, Colonel — your turn. 
Coiv. P. My turn? Don't ask me. 
Mrs. B. But we do, Colonel. 

Coi,. P. My stories are old ones and can only be appreciated 
by those over fifty years of age. 

Mrs. B. Then, Colonel, I'm afraid we will be unable to 
appreciate them. 



51 

Cor,. P. [Aside.] I g^ot out of that nicely. 
[ Waltz music is heard. ^ 

Lord M. Ada, am I to have the pleasure of this waltz ? 

Ada. Certainly, Lord Marley. 

Charles. [Aside.] He calls her Ada. It must be true. 

Edith. Mr. Seymour, pray be calm. There is much time 
yet to see Ada. Do not create a scene. 

Charles. But — I — I — I am calm. 1 will be calm. 

Mrs. B. Ladies and gentlemen, take your partners. 

Ada. Come — come to the ball room. [Exit all but Mr. 
Williamson.] 

Mr. W. Well, well! Ada ought to be thankful — a fortunate 
girl indeed. She is just fitted for such a position. Ah ! A 
letter, and with an Earl's monogram. It's from his father, no 
doubt. Could it be his objecting to his son's marriage to 
Ada ? It seems strange that he didn't ask for a settlement 
when I gave my consent. It's the custom of those people, I 
believe. If he had hinted, I would have settled on Ada $50,- 
000; I settled $50,000, anyway. I've got off very cheap in 
this affair. Well, what has he to say ? [Reads.] 

Dear Mr. Williamson : 

I have just received a letter from my son. Lord Marley, mak- 
ing known to me of his engagement to your daughter Ada. 
As this is a matter of great importance to me and to him, I 
would say frankly that he cannot afford to marry on his present 
income. At present he is tolerably comfortable, though at my 
death all my belongings will, of course, revert to him. but hav- 
ing regard for his future as a married man in the sphere in 
which he and your daughter will move, it seems hardly possi- 
ble that he could subsist in justice to himself and your 
daughter, on anything like his present income. Under the 
circumstances, if you feel disposed to settle on your daughter 
seventy-five thousand pounds, I most willingly give my con- 
sent, feeling thoroughly convinced that with both their incomes 
they could live up to the standard of life to which they would 
be called. 

Kindly convey to your wife and daughter my respects, and 



52 

thanking you for the hospitalities extended to mj' son, I am, 
dear sir, 

Yours faithfully, 

EaRI. GIvENMORE. 

Mr. W. Seventy-five thousand pounds ! Seventy five 

thousand pounds ! It must be a slip of the pen — in- 
advertently an extra ought added, otherwise his lordship must 
be mad. Where does he think I get it ? A modern Croesus 
would shudder at such a request. [Reads] "Under the cir- 
cumstances, if you feel disposed to settle on your daughter 
75,000 pounds, I most willingly give my consent." The 
devil you will ! No, no ! My aristocratic friend, our paths 
must now diverge ! The engagement must be broken ! 
[Reads.] "Under the circumstances, if you feel disposed to 
settle 75,000, pounds" —Enough ! I'll see him to the devil first ! 
I wonder what my wife will say to this ? She'l] tear the letter 
up, of course. 

{Enter Mrs. Williamson.] 

Mr. W. Here, Harriet, read this ! 

Mrs. W. Who is it from ? 

Mr. W. His nibs — Eord Marley's father. 

Mrs- W. His nibs ! It's many years since I have heard 
you use slang expressions. You should consider our position 
now, and live up to it. 

Mr. W. Read the letter ! [Mrs. W. reads.] 

Mr. W. [Aside.] ' ' Under the circumstances, if you feel dis- 
posed to settle 75,000 pounds on your daughter, I most willingly 
give my con.sent." What father wouldn't at that price? I 
would it I had twelve of them. 

Mrs. W. [With the letter.] Well ! 

Mr. W. Well? 

Mrs. W. I read it. 

Mr. W. Well? 

Mrs. W. I say I read it. 

Mr. W. Every word? 

Mrs. W. Yes. 

Mr. W. You don't look as if you have. 

Mrs. W. I am sure I have read every word. 

Mr. W. And understand it ? 

Mrs. W. Fully. 



53 

Mr. W. Thenif5'ou do, why don't you tear it up ? I 
would only I wished you to see it. 

Mrs. W. There is nothing extraordinary about it 

Mr. W. There isn't, eh? " Under the circumstances, if you 
feel disposed to settle on your daughter 75,000 pounds, I most 
willingly give my consent." Nothing extraordinary ? 

Mrs. W It certainly is a large sura. 

Mr. W. I— should— think— it — was ! 

Mrs. W. But it is all right ! 

Mr. W. [Aside.] 75,000 pounds all right! — It's 65,000 
pounds all wrong ! 

Mrs. W. It's customery with such people, and besides, it's 
a privilege one must pay for. I'm sure Mr. Joi:es, Mr. Fox, 
Mr. I,udlow or Mr. Caste would willingly make the settle- 
ment. 

Mr. W. 75,000 pounds— it's outrageous ! It's re gal-ized 
robbery. 

Mrs. W. But it's best to consent to it. 

Mr. W. Not by a No, no ! Not at that figure ! 

Mrs W. Well, what is to be done ! 

Mr. W. I'll write and tell him that he and his son can go 
to the devil. 

Mrs, W. Sir ! David ! Such language is astounding ! It's 
many >ears since I heard you use such a vulgar expression. 

Mr VV. There is justification for it. It's the first time I 
have had real cause. 

Mrs. W. You needn't get excited over it. 

Mr \V. Excited ! To think of it is like taking a Turkish 
bath [Mops his head with a bandanna handkerchief.] Great 
Caesar ! I spent ten years of my life trying to scrape together 
$2,000 75,000 pounds, about $375,000 for his consent. Whew ! 
[Wipes his head.] I'll be — [Hesitates.] 

Mrs- W. Well, Mr. Williamson, you might as well finish 
it. 

Mr. W. Well, I'll be— dashed if I'll consent to it. 

Mrs. W. [Takes white handkerchief from her pocket, goes 
over and takes bandanna hankerchief away from him.] Here — 
use this. Display some taste before his lordship ! 

Mr. W. Taste ! This letter is a taste enough of his lord- 
ship for me. 



54 

Mrs. W. Atn I to understand then that the engagement 
must be broken ? 

Mr. W. Yes ; break it or it will break me ! He is to blame 
— he asks too much. 

Mrs. W. You should consider the ways of these people — 
their habits, their customs, their manner of doing things. 

Mr. W. Yes. I have considered their ways of doing things, 
and no doubt t/iey have considered the way we look at things. 

Mrs W. They bestow on us what wealth cannot buy. 

Mr. W. Usless it be by a marriage to a nobleman's son, 
eh? 

Mrs. W. Things have gone too far, now ! 

Mr. VV. When his lordship's lather is willing to give his 
consent for 75,000 pounds, I'm decidedly of that opinion. I 
never got a cent with you, and never expected any ! 

Mrs. W. The marriage has been announced. Why, we 
would iDe covered with everlasting ridicule ! 

Mr. W. You were in too great a hurry to announce Ada's 
engagement, and now I'm asked to settle 75,000 pounds in 
order that the world shall not have a chance to give vent 
to its ridicule. 

Mrs. W. Consider Ada's feelings. 

Mr W. [Aside. 75,000 pounds ! ] Ada's feelings? 

Mrs. W. Certainly ; you would not be so unfatherly as to 
prevent Ada from becoming I^ady Marley ? 

Mk. W. [Aside.] It would be cheaper to have her Mrs. 
Seymour. 

Mrs. W. Just imagine the prestige it would give us ! How 
everybody would stare as I^ady Marley entered. 

Mr. W [Aside.] Yes — at the 75,000 pounds prize beauty ! 

Mrs. W. Surely, you would not let 75,000 pounds put an 
end to the hopes, the aspirations of Ada — our only child ! 
The time — the opportunity is here ! 

Mr. W. I would not object to 10,000 pounds, but 75,000 ! 

Mrs. W. It's a case whether you shall ruin Ada's 
prospects of happiness — of my happiness. You know full well 
the struggle we had to gain our position in society. We have 
all the money we need — more than we can possibly spend, and 
you let me believe that you prefer that to our happiness. I 
cannot — I cannot believe it. [Sobs.] 



55 

Mr. W. Well, I'll write and tell him I'll settle 25,000 
pounds on Ada. 

Mrs. W. Would you insult him b}' bargaining like a bidder 
at an auction for his son ? 

Mr W. But 75,000 is one-third of my fortune ! 

Mrs. W. I have $50,000 in my own name Ada shall have 
that, and besides 

Mr. W. No ! no ! no ! Keep that ! 

Mrs. W. Then whatever right I would have as a widow. I 
resign ! 

Mrs. W. Eh ! You a widow — and what would I be ! 

Mrs. W. You would be [hesitating] an angel, of course ! 

Mr. W. Then it would be paradise lost or paradise found 
for one of us ! 

Mrs. W. [Coaxingly] Come now, David, no jesting. Isn't 
Ada your only child ? 

Mr. W. Yes. 

Mrs. W. Isn't she my only child ? 

Mr. W. Yes. 

Mrs. W. Isn't she our only child ? 

Mr. W. Yes ! Yes ! 

Mrs. W. And shall we not make her future secure — happy ? 
Shall we not, David ? [Advances towards him.] 

Mr W. [Pausing. Aside] [If I don't, good-bye to all 
happiness on this earth] Well ! w^ell ! lyCt it be so ! 

Mrs. W. I knew when it was put in the right light, your 
better and generous nature would assert itself. 

Mr. W. [Aside] When a wife threatens to make herself a 
widow, prudence would dictate the advisability of consenting 
to anything. If this thing hadn't gone .so far, the Earl would 
have to look out for another father who was looking for his 
consent at the rate of 75,000 pounds /t'r son. They come high 
— yes, darn high, but we must have them ! 

Mrs. W. You will write at once to the Earl, David ? 

Mr. W. Yes — to-night. 

Mrs. W. I'll go and acquaint Ada with the good news ! 
[Exit.] 

Mr. W. Seventy-five thousand pounds ! I'll be hanged if 
I wouldn't like to see Mr. Seymour elope with Ada to-morrow ! 



56 

But I fear there is no hope for my 75,000 pounds in that direc- 
tion. Ada is determined to marry his lordship. Well ! well ! 
It's a case of marrying one's daughter on a royalty ! [Exit.] 

Enter Mrs. B. and Edith. 

Edith Talking of marriage, Mrs. Braddox, unless all signs 
fail, you certainly have made a conquest of Col. Potter. 

Mrs. B. Col. Potter — the confirmed old bachelor, whom no 
woman could interest more than a friend ! 

Edith. Yes — Col. Potter ! 

Mrs. B. That's exceedingly complimentary. Does he give 
any external signs ? 

Edith. When you enter his eyes seek you, when you retire 
his eyes follow. There is a brightness — a chippiness about the 
Colonel in your presence that can only be evidence of a more 
than friendly feeling. 

Mrs. B. Dear me ! How you young women ever interpret 
courtesy as a sign of love, I don't know ! 

Edith. Well, if Col. Potter within a short time does not 
be on his knees at your feet, then I'll admit I'm a poor in- 
terpreter. 

Mrs B. On his knees ! Think you that Col. Potter makes 
love in that way? 

Edith. He is a great stickler for old fashioned ways, and if 
he suddenly drops on his knees, don't think anything less of 
him His language will make up for his lack of nineteenth 
century methods. 

Mrs. B. [Aside.] As If I were not avva^e of the Colonel's 
love ! I'm glad you warned me I can anticipate such an 
action, and ~ 

Edith. And will not be taken by surprise? By the way, 
here he comes. 

\Enter Coiv- PoTTER a7id Chari^ES ] 

CoL. P. Yes ; it is true ! 

Charles. It sounds like a tale of the 13th century. 

CoE. P. Yes; but it's of the 19th It's not impossible, or 
improbable. The ladies will agree to that ! 

Mrs. B. Tell us, Colonel ! 

Col p. I was telling Mr. Seymour of a poor young man 



57 

whose only objection to marrying a wealthy young lady was — 
what do you think ? 

Mrs. B. Here's I^ord Marle}^ and Ada. Probably he can 
answer that. 

Enter I,ord Marley and Ada. 

Mrs. B. Come ! Come ! Lord Marley, Col. Potter is going 
to astonish us. 

Edith. [Aside] Mr. Seymour, remember — be calm. 

Coiv. P. Yes, a poor young man's reason for refusing to 
marry a wealthy young lady was 

Lord M. Well — let me see ! Because he was — Ah ! — Let 
me see ! Because he was an idiot. 

Ada. That's very good — and very true ! 

Coi.. P. No ! 

Mrs. B. Well, because he was too fat ! 

CoL- P. Fat ! That's no impediment ! 

Edith. Well, then, too thin ? 

Col. p. What ! The story ? 

Edith. Oh ! No, Colonel ! 

Lord M. That's clever ! 

Charles. Well, because [hesitating.] 

Edith. [Aside] Mr. Seymour ! 

Charles. Because he thought he could do better — that 
bigger game was his ! 

Col. p. No — something more romantic. The objection on 
the score of fatness or leanness is decidedl}^ unworldly. 

Mrs. W. You must confess, though. Colonel, if that were 
the case, it would in a great measure stimulate the develop- 
ment of the perfect shape — neither too fat nor too lean. 

Edith. I'm sure the modistes already recognize the fact, 
and we also. 

Col- P- To the objection ! 

Ada. Probably her wealth was so tied up that he saw not 
the slightest chance to get at it ! 

Lord M. Ah ! That's probable ! 

Col. P- The reasons given, while entirely probable and 
worldl}^, are far away. The young ^man's only objection was 
on account of her great wealth. 

Lord M. Deucedly absurd ! 



58 

Mrs. B. Impossible ! 

Ada. He must be out for an' hour or so — from paradise ! 

Edith. Decidedly romantic ! 

CoTy. P. Well, he was determined not to marry a woman 
who had more than he, and she, seeing with her present wealth 
that he would be lost to her, settled all her wealth on her re- 
lations, and, of course, the only objection being overcome, he 
married her ! 

IvORD M. Ah, Colonel, if you please — I'll continue. Well, you 
see the young man found it hard to get along, and in a fit of 
desperation caused by hunger, ordered his wife to try and get 
her wealth back from her relations. She went and she went. 
Her relations actually denied her, and said she must be a little 
touched up here. The wife soon after died, and the young 
man has the reputation now of being a persistent fortune 
hunter. Am I right, Colonel Potter ? 

Col. p. Well, I only got as far as the marriage. 

Mrs. W. When and where did all this take place ? 

Col. p. Last night about 12 o'clock. 

Edith. At 12 o'clock ! Colonel, was it a dream ? 

Col. p. It was. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

\Enter servant announcing dinfier.'] 
Ada. Come, gentlemen, to dinner. 

[Exit all except CoL. P. ^^^Mrs. B., who delay going.'] 

Mrs. B. Ha ! ha ! Just like you. Colonel, always romanc- 
ing—always so amusing and good-humored. 

Col. P- I'm told that I'm just the reverse. 

Mrs. B. a libel. Do you know, Colonel, I never saw you 
otherwise than smiling ? 

Col. p. I never had occasion to do otherwise. 

Mrs. B. Probably because you never married. 

Col. P- It's only married people, or those who were mar- 
ried apparently, that can come to that conclusion. 

Mrs. B. [Aside] I'll draw him out. Then, Colonel, if a 
smile is an indication of happiness, never get married. 

Col. P- If I did there would be a perpetual smile on all my 
friends' faces, and why shouldn't I contribute to their happi- 



59 

ness by some sacrifice ? As a soldier, I should brave all dan- 
gers. 

Mrs. B. It's the height of selfishness for one to give no 
thought to any one but himself. 

Col. p. Ah, Mrs. Braddox, you are a woman after my own 
heart ! 

Mrs. B. Ah, Col. Potter, you are a man after mine ! 

Col. P. [Aside] She's hit it ! Mrs. Braddox, I have known 
you for quite a while. 

Mrs. B. Yes, Colonel, quite a while. 

Col. p. [Aside] Now's my opportunity. [Advances, takes 
her hand.] Mrs. Braddox, we have known each other for some 
time. 

Mrs. B. Yes, Col. Potter ! 

Col. p. I always thought that there would never be a 
woman possessed of sufiScient charm of mind and body to cap- 
tivate me, but I am mistaken. 

Mrs. B. [Aside] It's coming. 

CoL. P. And — [drops his handkerchief unnoticed by Mrs. 
B., and stoops to pick it up.] 

Mrs. B. [Aside] On his knees ? It's coming. 
{Enter Mfts. Williamson.] 

Mrs. W. Are you coming to dinner, Colonel ? 

Col. p. Yes ! Yes ! 

Mrs. B. We're coming. 

CoL. P. [Aside.] Hang it ! I'll have to go through the 
same thing again ! [Exit alL] 

\_E71ter Col. p. a7id Charles.] 

Col. p. My dear boy, if I were you, I would marry her to- 
morrow. 

Charles, Do you think Ada — 

Col. p. Think ! My dear boy he is making as desperate 
attempt to capture her heart or fortune as I am the widow's. 
Lord Marley has turned the headsof all the women, except Mrs. 
Braddox, and I hope her's is turned in my direction. 

CharlBS. Do you think he has succeeded ? 

Col. p. There is every evidence that he may. Candidly, I 
think Ada plays love to you in the evening after practicing all 
day with lyord Marley. It seems to be a settled thing, as far 



6o 

I can see, that every woman who meets him, loses her head. 

ChARIvES. Be serious, Colonel ! What do you mean ? 

Col- P- I have seen them very frequently in the park. 

CHAK.LKS That's mere hospitality ! 

Coi.. P- Yes, hospitality. [Aside.] When he is on this 
earth a little longer, he will recognize the difiference between 
hospitality and desperate love making. 

Charles. I thank you, Colonel. 

COL- P- I never refuse assistance to the blind. 

CharIvES. I'm going to the ball room. Colonel. 

Coi<. P. This way to the ball room, my boy. 

CharIvES- That's the wine room ! 

Coiy. p. A distinction without a difiference. 

Chari.es. Joking again, Colonel. [Aside.] I shall see her 
now ! [Exit.] 

CoL. P. I think I did right in telling him ! He is being 
duped and is as blind as all true lovers are — I mean young 
lovers. I'm somewhat in love myself, but have not as yet lost 
my eyesight. I'm afraid if Lord Marley proposes to Ada, it 
disposes of Mr. Seymour. An aversion to royalty doesn't run 
in her blood. I can't trouble myself about every one's love 
affairs. I have all I can do to take care of my own. The case of 
Potter vs. Braddox. I must not let her see that I'm too anx- 
ious, or that I am making a dead set for her— or at least for 
her $200,000. She is a widow, and ordinarilj- widows to me 
are not quite eligible, but they become very eligible when they 
possess ^200,000, and are then available for matrimonial pur- 
poses. I must be cautious. It would be to one in my financial 
condition a terrible calamity to frighten her. Widows of her 
age, generally, do not require much energy to catch, but 
widows of her age and her wealth, require both tact and diplo 
macy to handle. I must stick close to her, and I will ! [Exit ] 

{JEntcr Ada.] 

t, Ada. [Calls] L,ord Marley ! Lord Marley ! I'm su'e he 
came this way ! He must have gone in the other room ! 
[About going out] There's Charles— Mr. Seymour ! All 
alone, too ! I dislike to meet him alone ! He knows noth- 
ing as yet of my engagement to Lord Marley, though he 
looks hard at me ! Why didn't ma write him at once and end 



6i 

the matter ? [Looking] He is going awa}^ ! No— he appears 
to be looking for some one— probably for me ! If ma were only 
here! He's coming! I must not see him ! [Runs over into 
the ante-room.] 

\Enter Charles.] 
Charles. I cannot find her ! She is not with Lord Marley. 
She came this way, I'm sure. Where could .she have gone ? 
[Calls] Ada ! Ada ! No— not here. Strange ! Very strange ! 
They give me no evidence that the story is true. They receive 
me as of yore, but Ada seems somehow to avoid me as if she 
fears to meet me alone ! I fear it is but too true, and that I 
have been duped — if it be ! They tell me to be calm — I trust I 
may ! I must manage to see her ! I must ! [Exit.] 

\Euter Ada from room ] 
Ada. [Cautiously looking] He's gone. He is looking for 
me. He has heard something. Oh, if I can only avoid meet- 
ing him to-day, then father can write him, and it may keep 
him away. I must join them at once. [About going out, 
Charles passes entrance and sees Ada.] 

{Enter Ch ARISES.] 

Charles. Ada ! 

Ada. Oh, is it you ? Why are you not dancing ? 

Charles. I have lost ah interest in dancing today, Ada. 

Ada. I have promised Lord Marley the next dance, and 
no doubt he is awaiting my coming. Pray excuse me. [About 
retiring.] 

Charles. Ada, I wish to speak with you for a moment 
only. 

Ada. Some other time. I must keep my engagement. 

Charles. [Aside] She does not call; me by name. Ada, I 
would speak to you ! [Standing before her, prevents her exit.] 

Ada. You must excuse me. I cannot be so discourteous 
to Lord Marley as to geep him waiting. 

Charles. I have been waiting this opportunity all day. I 
must talk to you now I 

Ada. Must.' Pray let me pass ! This is exraordinary ! 
[About to pass, he prevents her.j Sir ! Mr. Seymour ! 

Charles. [Surprised.] [Aside.] Mr. Seymour ! Ah ! 
it's true ! 



62 

Ada. Allow me to pass, Mr. Se3'moiir ! 

Charles Mr. Seymour ! Mr. Seymour ! [Pause.] Ada — 
Mr. Seymour ? Mr. Seymour ? You never addressed me thus, 
why do you now ? Speak ! Still silent ? Ada, your looks — 
your silence convey some hidden meaning ! 

Ada I'll explain some other time. Allow me to keep my 
engagement ! 

Charles. Is it true that — 

Ada. I'll explain some other time. [About to pass.] 

Charles. [Excitedly.] No ! No ! Not until you tell me 
with your own lips that you have played me false. [Advances 
towards her.] 

Ada. [Retreating.] Would you do me violence ? 

Charles. Yes ! [Grabs her by the wrist ] No ! No ! I 
shall not harm you. [Pulls paper from pocket.] Is this re- 
port of your engagement to Lord Marley true ? 

Ada I,et us be friends, Mr. Seymour. It's true we have 
been engaged, but I confess now that I did not know my heart 
at the time ! 

Charles. Friends ! [Throws her arm away.] Friends ! 
This from you^yoii to whom I gave the first love of my heart 
— whose vows you accepted, and ere they were cold, accepted 
another — yon who would so ruth lejBsly sweep aside every tender 
feeling of n\Q.n— you who sported with a heart, and then when 
it suited your convenience, cast it aside and trampled it under 
your feet— yozi who would make a plaything of the affections 
of a man, and make him a subject of jest for the crowd, could, 
yes would come to him with careless lips and sa}' — let us be 
friends ! 

Ada. I trust Mr. Seymour, you will recognize the inevita- 
ble. We cannot be lovers— shall we not be friends ? [Holds 
out hand.] 

Charles. Friends ! Friends ! So this is the recompense 
for all my years of devotion — to be cast off — not because I 
have been guilty of any dishonorable or disreputable act — but 
for what? In order to gratify your social ambition. If the 
man were a physical, aye a mental imbecile — a fool — yes, even 
a knave — you would have sacrificed me to be addressed as 
Lady Marley. 

Ada. How dare you ? 

Charles. How dare I ? I who have been made a puppet 



63 

— a thing of convenience ! Why, I could — [Advances towards 
her.] 

Ada. [Retreating] Ma ! Ma ! Ma ! 

Charles. No ! no ! I shall not do you violence. 

\_E71ter Mrs. Wii.i<iamson.] 

Mrs. W. Ada. what's the matter? 

Ada. Why, he has threatened to do me harm. 

Charles. Yes, you false creature, I could — [Advances.] 

Ada. [Running away] Ma ! Ma ! Ma ! 

Mrs. W. [Running between them] What do you mean, 
sir ? What do you mean ? I shall call in the police ! 

Charles. Mean ? Mean ? No ! No ! She shall not suf- 
fer violence at my hands. To do so, I would but sink to her 
level. She's unworthy of any honest man's anger ! 

Mrs. \V. It's unnecessary to piolong this interview. It's 
becoming exceedingly distasteful to us, sir, 

Charles. More so to me, madam. [To Ada] It was but a 
few days ago you gave me this [taking rose from coat] and be- 
fore doing so, pressed it to your false lips. To me it was a 
source of delight — now a source of disgust. There, take it ! 
[Throws it at her feet] I despise it ! [About retiring] 

\Enter Lord Marley.] 

Charles. [Advancing towards Lord M.] YoQ, sir, you who 
knew of our engagement, and would deliberately come between 
us, I could kill you where you stand ! 

Lord M. [Surveying] 'Pon my word, another madman ! 

Charles. [Advancing] I will !' [Grabs him.] 

Ada. [Running between them] You shall not ! 

Lord M. Allow me, Ada ! [Attempts to put her aside. 
Grabs Charles.] 

Ada. No ! No ! 

Charles. You scoundrel ! 

Ada. You forget yourself, sir ! 

Charles. Yes, when I am engaged myself to you ! [Lets go.] 

Mrs, W. The greatest favor you can do us is to leave this 
house instantly. Go ! 

Charles. With pleasure ! [Retiring.] 

Lord M. [Brushing coat] Vulgar fellow ! 

END OF ACT IIL 



64 

ACT IV. 

Scene i. — Room in Kdward Forrest's house. Edith discovered. 

Edith. Such ungenerous treatment of Mr- Seymour! What 
would they not sacrifice ! Whom would they not sacrifice to 
form great connections ! Ah, well, she accepts the benefit of 
such conduct — she must accept its responsibilities. It was 
outrageous treatment and will carry its own punishment. I 
w^onder what's keeping Edward ! He was to be here with that 
detective from England ! Here's Mr. Seymour ! 

[^Enter Mr. Seyinigur.] 

Chari.es. Good evening, Miss Edith ! 

Edith. Good evening, Mr Seymour ! 

Charles. Is Edward about ? 

Edith. He has gone to Fifth Avenue Hotel. 

Charles. Has the detective arrived ? 

Edith. Yes — Edward has gone to see him. 

Charles. I suppose Edward is anxious to condole with 
me; our exit from the Williamson family was somewhat simi- 
lar. 

Edith. Yes — I hope you haven't taken to heart such treat- 
ment? 

Charles. I'm like Edward — it was a case of quick re- 
covery ! 

Edith. What a fiend an unworthy social ambition is ! 

Charles. Yes — it's a juggernaut that rides over and 
crushes out every pleasant relationship of life — friends sacri- 
ficed, engagements broken, crimes committed, aye, what not ! 
When such an ambition takes possession of one, common sense 
and common decency are lost. 

Edith. But still, Mr. Seymour, under the circumstances, 
you should be happy ! 

Charles. Happy? To be made a mere instrument of con- 
venience, to be led on to a few steps of what I thought was 
paradise found, by one whose promises of love were given with 
the smile of an angel, then cast aside, not for any disagreeable 
qualities possessed, but to satisfy her craving for position ! 

Edith. But you will soon forget her ! 

Charles. Forget her ? I have ; her conduct, never ! 



65 

Edith. I think, Mr. Seymour, j'-ou are to be congratulated! 

Charles. Congratulated ? 

Edith. A woman who could act thus — who would pledge 
her faith, and seal it with a kiss, and ere that kiss was cold 
would engage herself to another, is one that displays qualities 
a true heart should be thankful for escaping. 

Charles. I have thought so too ! There are events in one's 
life which are looked upon as the greatest misfortunes, but 
lime -reason developes them into the greatest of blessings. At 
this stage I have arrived. I feel no regret for being released 
from a woman whose thoughts, feelings and sentiments are so 
unlike my own. Here and now I cast her false image from 
my heart forever. The idol is shattered, and love— no, not 
love, but fancy— is dethroned, and pity takes its place. 

Edith. I'm sorry for Ada. Her sacrifices will avail her 
nothing; exposure will probably come, and her punishment 
will be severe. 

Charles. Miss Edith, I have lost all interest in Ada's 
welfare ! 

Edith. So soon ? 

Chari.es. Miss Edith, I have, as I thought, loved another, 
but under this circumstance, this test of one's love, I find it 
was merely fancy. I thought I had found in Ada qualities, 
which I found ere too late, that she did not possess, such as a 
tender disposition, a loving heart, an impulse towards recog- 
nizing man as a man, woman as a woman, not for what they 
seem, but what they are, qualities I sought in a partner for 
life and found not there, not in her — but in you. 

Edith. [Surprised.] Mr. Seymour ! 

Charles. Miss Edith, frankly I tell you I love you. 
There was always a bond— a spark of sympathy between us, 
now fanned into a flame, by what I now say, was a most for- 
tunate circumstance. 

Edith But you cannot mean it ! This love, or fancy, for 
Ada mav revive ! 

Charles. Eove— fancy for her revive? She knows nothing 
of love. She who would cast one off with ' ' no more compunc- 
tion for the oains she caused, than she has capacity for feehng 
them !" Eove her ! Her love affairs are all of the head— not 
of the heart. I never loved in a true sense till now. 



66 

Edith. And you do love me ? 

ChakIvES. Ah, Edith, do you not remember when I told 
3'ou but a short time ago that if I had only the good fortune 
to have met 3'ou before Ada, that I would be asking Edward 
how he would like me for a brother-in-law, and you cried, 
" treason ! treason !" There is no cause to cry treason now, is 
there ? 

Edith. I must confess I always did admire your senti- 
ments; they were so much in common with my own, and — 
[Pause.] 

Charles. And — 

Edith. Don't ask me. 

Charles. Edith ! 

Edith. Charles ! [Embrace.] 

{Enter Edw^AKD.] 

Edward, Hello, Charles ! 

Charles. Hello, Edward ! 

Edward. You're looking well. 

Charles. Yes, and feeling well. 

Eeward. I thought so. 

Charles. It will be all the same one hundred years from 
now, won't it ? 

Edward. Of course it will. I knew it, Charles, I knew it ! 

Edith. Edward is quite a prophet. 

Edward. Yes ; I had experience in such kind of matters, 
and profited by the same. It didn't affect me much ! 

Edith. Oh, no, it didn't ! " Would that I were dead ! 
She made a plaything of my heart. What have I done that I 
am treated thus? Oh, false woman, etc, etc., etc." Oh, no, 
it didn't 2&^QXyou much ! 

Edward. lyCt's change the subject. 

Edith. Yes — let us change the subject. 

Charles. So ! So ! Your heart has a history ! 

Edward. Whose heart hasn't? But your smiling counte- 
nance indicates a pleasant feeling within ! 

Charles. Can't help it, Edward ! 

Edward. [Eooking from one to the other.] Can't help it? 

Charles. I have lost, but I have found ! 



67 

Kdward, Rather a phenomenal recovery. What is it all 
about? Has Ada? 

Charles. Mention not that woman's name to me ! I have 
found a jewel more precious than the spurious one I lost. Ed- 
ward, the greatest misfortune I thought could befal me was 
the advent of Lord Marley into Ada's family, but here and now 
I declare it was a blessing I'm thankful for. It has freed me 
from a woman whose shallowness I was blind to, whose heart 
was for sale to the highest bidder, whose heart — 

Edward. Hang it, Charles, none of them have any ! When 
Ada (in deference to you I say Miss Williamson) and her 
mother came into contact with lyord Marley, ossification of the 
heart immediately set in, and everything honorable was ex- 
patriated. 

Charles. As to hearts — I thought so too, but — [looking at 
Edith.] 

Edward. Ha ! ha ! ho ! ho ! 

Charles. Yes, Ed. I have another affair of the heart. The 
last one has not even left the slightest scar. In Edith I have 
found my ideal — a woman who has those qualities I thought 
Miss Williamson possessed. For Miss Williamson I have only 
pity; for Lord Marley thanks for opening my eyes. Have you 
any objection to me as a prospective brother-in-law ? 

Edward. I ! You ! I guess not ! [Charles and Edith em- 
brace.] 

Edward. [Aside.] I never got that far in my love affairs ! 

Charles. Well, what news ? 

Edward. I have made inquiries about Lord Marley by cable, 
and received the following cable in reply : " Lord Marley is 
reported to have sailed on a trip around the world. His family 
are somewhere on the Continent." 

Charles. His story may be true. He may have changed 
his mind, 

Edward. I believe we are dealing with a very clever rogue. 
After a great deal of cabling I was informed that one of their 
leading detectives had started for this country in relation to 
the extradition of a forger, and while here he will try to iden- 
tify him. He has just arrived, and I must manage to bring 
him in contact with Lord Marley and see if he cannot recog- 
nize him. I take great pleasure in unmasking the fellow, and 



68 

though I think the family should be punished for their treat- 
ment of 3'ou, I have determined to save Ada from him. 

Edith. That is, if he /s an impostor ! 

Charles. I feel that he is. 

Edith. Exposure will be a great punishment, but what 
do you propose to do ! 

Edward. Mrs. Braddox gives a dinner this evening to Col. 
Potter. I suppose .she sent you an invitation ovit of courtesy, 
expecting under the circumstances you would not come. Lord 
Marley will be there, and I will bring Mr. Graham there, of 
course disguised, and I have no doubt but he will recognize 
him as an old offender, and will, of course, be denounced. 
You must come ! 

Edith. Have you obtained Mrs. Braddox's consent? 

Edward. Mrs Braddox is put out a great deal by Ada's 
treatment of Charles. I shall see her before the guests arrive, 
and explain matters, and she'll consent. 

Charles. She is to be married to morrow, I understand. 

Edith. I hear that he has been very urgent in having the 
marriage take place at once. 

Charles. No more than Mrs. Williamson, I venture. I say, 
Edward, suppose the detective fails to recognize him? 

Edward Well, Mrs. Williamson's object will be accom- 
plished, and there will be no objection on my part of friends 
greeting me with — 

Charles. " What, ho, the man is mad !" Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Edward. Yes, tlaat's it — but I must be off to see Mrs. 
Braddox. 

Edith. Quick, or it will be too late ! [Exit Edward.] 

Charles. Come, Edith, let us get read>- to be in at the 
finale. [Exit both.] 

i^End of Scene i, Act IV.) 



Scene 2. Drawing-room in Mrs. Braddox's house. Miss 
Randall and Miss Snap discovered seated. 

Miss S. Well, she got him at last ! 

Miss R. Yes, after a great deal of fishing ! 

Miss S. And Mr. Seymour was heartlessly thrown over- 
board. 



69 

Miss R. It was awfully mean,' the way^it was done|! 

Miss S. I'm not surprised. 

Miss R. Neither am I. 

Miss S. I always thought her somewhat giddy ! 

Miss R- Well, what can you expect? She was brought 
up in a certain fashionable set, the main chance being the 
prominent idea. 

Miss S. Did you hint to Lord Marley what Mrs. William- 
son's father's business was ? 

Miss R. Yes, and he simply said — " Ah !" 

Miss S. I cannot see for the life of me what he can see in 
her! 

Miss R. Oh, she's the only daughter, and her prospective 
wealth attracted him. If she were of a large family, she would 
never have got him. 

Miss S. I wonder what the settlement was ! 

Miss R. It must have been at least $300,000. 

Miss S. Do you think it was worth that much ? 

Miss R. Well, they always look for a big settlement. 

Miss S. I hardly think Mr. Williamson would settle that 
amount. 

Miss R. Mr. Williamson has the reputation of being some- 
what close, but Mrs. Williamson would live on bread and water 
the rest of her life, to form such a connection. 

Miss. S. That's so ! Why, Sir William Black visited her 
last year, and she did nothing but drum into every one's ear, 
" Mr. friend. Sir William Black." 

Miss R. I suppose we will be unable to stand her now ! 
She's satisfied ; she's got what she has been looking for ! 

Miss S. I met her a few days ago, and she was a little stiff. 
She told me .she had discharged all her help. 

Miss R. By the way, she has a coat of arms on her carriage 
— a crown, a lion, and something else. 

Miss S. Considering who her father was, three balls would 
be more appropriate. 

Miss R. Have you seen Mr. Seymour ? 

Miss S. I .saw him yesterday. We laughed and joked, but 
avoided the subject of Ada's marriage. His heart wasn't 
broken. 

Miss R. Dear me, one time a man threatens to kill every- 



70 

body, all on account of his lady love, and the next minute he 
hardly knows that she ever existed. 

Miss S, Oh, we'll never understand the men, until we 
marry one of them ! 

Miss R. Come, let us go up stairs. [Exit both.] 

{Enter Mrs, Braddox. 

Mrs. B. I do hope Mr. Seymour will not take advantage of 
the invitation I sent him to come here. Courtesy prompted 
it, though prudence should have warned me not to do so. He 
knows that Lord Marley will be here, and if they meet the 
the house may be the scene of another disturbance. Well ! 
Well ! He will not come, I'm sure As to Ada — what a train- 
ing she received. Her mother being deprived of what she 
called a social life, by her marriage to Mr. Williamson, deter- 
mined that Ada should not, and inculcated in her a desire — a 
love for position, and Ada now follows her early training and 
sacrificed a loving heart. I trust she may never have occasion 
to regret it — that is m the life she chooses ! 

{Enter Servant, anjiounces Mr. Forrest.] 

Mrs. B. Mr. Forrest ! What can he want here at this hour! 
I did not invite him — as his fiasco with Lord Marley caused 
them to hate each other. It must be something important or 
he would never call. [To servant] Show the gentleman up. 
[Exit servant.] 

{Enter Mr. Forrest.] 

Mrs. B. To what am I indebted, Mr. Forrest, for the pleas- 
ure of this call? 

Mr. F. You may think it strange to have a call from me at 
this time, but it is on business most urgent. Is there anybody 
here as yet? 

Mrs. B. Miss Randall and Miss Snap are up stairs. 

Mr. F. I would, Mrs. Braddox, speak to you about Lord 
Marley. 

Mrs, B. Any accident befall him ? 

Mr. F. No ; but there may be a serious one for him in a 
short time. 

Mrs. B. Now, Mr. Forrest, if you are going to bring up, I 



71 

must sa}^ yovir delusion about Lord Marley, I think we had 
better change the subject. 

Mr. F. It may be a delusion, but, with your permission, 
I'm about to test it. 

Mrs- B. I cannot allow any test to take place in this house. 
I must recall your last attempt. Candidly, it was most ludi- 
crous in some aspects, in others quite serious. You had every 
opportunity then, and just imagine a second edition of " What, 
ho, the man is mad !" Why, it would be quite ludicrous to 
Lord Marley to have him continually shouting, " What, ho^ 
the man is mad !" 

Mr. F. Yes, yes, I know ; but it's very important, and 
Ada's welfare — Ada's future — is at stake. 

Mrs. S. I'm sure, Mr. Forrest, I will grant anything that 
will tend towards Ada's welfare, but you tested it once, and 
were found wanting. I would not have a repetition of that 
scene for the world ! 

Mr. F. I have every reason to believe that Lord Marley is 
an impostor, and — 

Mrs. B. Bvery reason ? Mr. Forrest, I cannot entertain any- 
thing derogatory concerning Lord Marie}' unless it can be 
substantiated. " Every reason to believe " shows an element 
of doubt in the position 3'ou take. There is too much suspi- 
cion founded upon fancy — not fact. Bring me proof positive, 
and I would allow you to turn the house upside down, for 
that matter, to expose a rascal. 

Mr. F. As Miss Ada will be married to morrow, to save 
her from becoming the wife of an adventurer, I thought that, 
as you were her aunt, interested in her welfare, I could inter- 
est you ! 

Miss B. I'm sure I would grant you anything in reason, 
but you are evidently laboring under a delusion about Lord 
Marley. Why, Mr. Williamson, at Lord Marley' s request, 
cabled to Sir Harry Jenkins as to the identity of Lord Marley, 
and received reply which completely drove away what little 
mistrust your charge raised. 

Mr. F. But Mrs. Braddox, if you will allow me, I'm sure 
no harm can result from the test. I'll accept all responsibil- 
ities. 

Mrs. B. Now, Mr. Forrest, you accepted the last responsi- 



72 

bility, and what was the result ? A scene of confusion, and 
your utter discomfort. Much trouble may come from the test, 
lyord Marley may resent these constant, I must say, insults. 
Whatever proofs you have, bring them to Mr. Williamson. 

Mr. F But the wedding is to-morrow. The time, the op- 
portunitv is here, to-night. To-morrow may be too late. Ada 
may be the wife of an adventurer- 

Mrs. B. I'm sorry, but I cannot risk a scene. 

\^E}iter Col. Potter.] 

Mrs B. Ah ! Here's the Colonel ! 

Col. p. Good evening, Mrs. Braddox. 

Mrs. B. Good evening, Colonel. 

Col. P. What, Mr. Forrest! "What ho! The man is 
mad ! " Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Mr. Forrest, that scene was de- 
cidedly rough on you. Mistook you for a madman ! Ha ! 
Ha! Ha! "What ho! the man is mad!" You must 
have been exceedingly mad when you went out. 

Mr. F. Well, it wasn't very pleasant, Colonel. 

Col. P I should think not ! I must say, though, every 
time I think of it I have to laugh. Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! 

Mrs. B. It was exceedingly comical to have Mr. Forrest 
mistaken for a madman. 

Col. p. Never did a general go into battle with more confi- 
dence, and never did a general 

Mr. F. Don't, Colonel, don't rub it in too hard. Mrs. Brad 
dox recalled that' scene, also, and besides, it's becoming a 
standing joke among my friends. They no more greet me as 
Edward, but when they get within hailing distance, sing out, 
" What ho, there ! What ho ! " 

Mrs. B. Spare him, Colonel, spare him ! But Mr. Forrest's 
cry is again, " Up, guards, and at them ! " 

Col. p. Oh, then, I'll let up. When the women commence, 
you become an object of sympathy, but it was a serio-comic 
affair ! Lord Marley was telling me that he really did believe 
you were mad, and when he returns home, it will be the great 
est and funniest story he will have to tell about his first visit 
to this country. 

Mr. F. Possibly, Colonel, possibly. 

Col- P. What ! Still doubting ? 



73 

MRvS. B. Yes, Colonel, still doubting, and thinks if I will 
allow him to put Lord Marley to some kind of a test, why 
Lord Marley will never have a chance to write that book — ha ! 
ha ! ha ! — or even repeat his " What ho" story. 

Coi^. P. My dear fellow, let us hear what you are going to 
do. You must be up and doing, or your friends will never let 
up that " What ho " cry. 

Mr. F. There is at my house a distinguished English de- 
tective. 

Mrs. B. An English detective ? 

Col. p. Ah — I see ! As they say, the plot thickens- 

Mrs- B. Pray go on, Mr Forrest. 

Mr. F. As Mrs. Braddox is already determined not to allow 
me a test to go on, it would be a waste, of time. 

Mrs. B. No ! no ! Mr. Forrest, go on — you said about a 
celebrated English detective ? 

Mr. F. I was all along suspicious about Lord Marley, and 
cabled to London, and received reply that Lord Marley was 
reported to have sailed on a trip around the world, and that a 
detective was about to start for this country in relation to the 
extradition of a forger, and while here he would try to identify 
him. He has arrived, and is at present at my house. Now, 
there will be a dinner here this evening, and Mr. Seymour 
and Edith will take advantage of your kind invitation and will 
bring the detective here also as one of your guests. If he can 
recognize him the fellow can be denounced ; if not, no harm 
will be done. 

Mrs. B. You sav Mr. Seymour will be here ? 

Mr. F. Yes. 

Mrs. B. But he and Lord Marley may quarrel ; besides he 
may not care to meet Ada 

Mr. F. I assure you there will not be the slightest danger 
of any trouble with Mr. Seymour. He is thoroughly recon- 
ciled to Ada's marriage, and bears no one ill will. Have I 
your permission, Mrs. Braddox ? 

Mrs. B. What think you, Colonel? 

Coiv. P. By all means. There can be no harm. 

Mrs. B. Well, then you have it, but be careful — there must 
be no mistake. 

Mr. F. If you would allow me, I would, after informing 



74 

the detective to come, like to come here and remain upstairs. 
I would be pleased, as thev say, to be in at the finish. 
Mrs. B. With pleasure. 

Mr. F. Good evening. Colonel — Mrs. Braddox. [Exit 
Mr. F.] 

Mrs. B. Dear me, what are we to expect next ! It seems 
that every one of us women are looked upon as to our wealth- 
producing power. L/Ove is made with the head, now-a-days — 
not with the heart. 

Col. p. Not all men look that way, Mrs Braddox, not all. 
Mrs. B. I must say, Colonel, that Ada has a good friend in 
Mr. Forrest. 

Coiv P. If Lord Marley developed into an impostor. 
Mrs. B. You mean that an impostor has developed in a 
lyord Marley. 

Coiy. P. Yes, that's it, and if he succeed in unmasking him, 
why he'll make not only himself, but Mr. Seymour happy. 
[Moves about, looking out doors.] No one arrived as yet. 

Mrs. B. You're the first gentleman. Colonel. Always on 
hand — never behind. 

Col. p. Probably I have called too early ? 
Mrs. B. Ah ! Colonel, you're welcome at all times ! 
Coiv- P. So, Miss Ada is to be married to-morrow ? 
Mrs. B. Yes; has there been much talk about the wedding? 
CoL. P- It's the talk of the town. The ladies have all come 
to the conclusion that Miss Ada is a most fortunate girl, and 
how proud her relatives must be ! 

Mrs. B. Yes, I suppose so, but if she had married Mr. Sey- 
mour I would be better pleased. Her home will be in this 
country. By the way, Colonel, have you seen Mr. Seymour ? 
Col.' P- I saw him yesterday. He seems to have recovered 
from the shock. He is a young man, you know, and youth 
bears its burdens lightly, but ah ! Mrs. Braddox, if it were I, 
I'm afraid I could not stand it. A body might be found float- 
ing in the placid waters of the North river- 

Mrs. B. Yours certainly is not an elastic nature ! 
Col. p. No— I think not. One love affair and disappoint- 
ment in that would crush all the sunshine in my nature. 

Mrs. B. Well, Colonel, you have my best wishes for your 
success if you ever have a love affair. It would be dreadful to 



Mrs, 


B. 


mean ? 




Col. 


P. 


Mrs. 


B. 


Col. 


P. 


Mrs. 


B. 



75 

have your corpse found in the placid waters of the North river. 
Anj'thing I could do to prevent such a catastrophe, I would do 
it 

Coiv- P. Oh ! 3'ou would make a sacrifice ! 

Mrs. B. Certainly — who wouldn't ? But what sacrifice, 
Colonel, would you expect me to make ? 

CoL- P. By sacrificing yourself 

Sacrificing myself ! Why, Colonel, what do you 

Sacrificing yourself by marrying me. 
Oh, Colonel ! Is it possible ! 
Is the sacrifice too great ? 

You have taken me at a disadvantage. I must 
either sacrifice myself or give you over to the placid waters of 
the North River ; is that it ? 

Col. p. Ah, Mrs. Braddox ! You are responsible for it. If 
there were no Mrs Braddox, there would never have been a 
love affair of my heart. Shall you make the sacrifice ? 

Mrs. B. Just to keep you from the North River, I'll make 
the sacrifice, Colonel. 

CoL- P- This is the happiest moment of my life ! I love at 
last and am beloved. Ah, Martha, if I had met 5-ou in my 
youth, I'm sure you would not be a Widow — if I could help it. 
I would have married you. Let me make a confession. I came 
here deliberately to propose marriage. I had a set speech, but 
didn't have a chance to fire it off. I'll deliver it now. " My 
dear Mrs. Braddox, I have known you for some 5^ears now, and 
though I always thought love and I would never commingle ; 
but to myjoylfind I w^as mistaken. It has, and you are 
mainly responsible. Ah, Mrs. Braddox, there are some men 
who love but once, and I'm one of that kind, and — 

\Enter Servant announcing L,ord MarlKY, Mr. and Mr s, 
Williamson.] 

Mrs. B. Colonel, reserve the rest for another time. 

Col. P. [Aside.] I began by loving her for her fortune ; I 
end by loving her for herself alone. Hang her fortune !] 

{Enter Guests^ 
Mrs. B. Well, you are not as prompt as usual, Mr. Will- 
iamson. 



76 

Mr. W. Don't blame me, blame my watch, [aside,] or my 
wife ! 

Ada. Pa is responsible. He would insist on having his 
afternoon sleep. 

Mrs. B. Oh, then I'll forgive him. Col. Potter, show I,ord 
Marley those new paintings upstairs. 

lyOKD M. I'm sure I would be delighted ! 

Col. P- Certainly. But shall you ladies miss us when we 
are gone ? 

Mrs. B. If you remain too long, we shall certainly be up 
after you. [Exit Coi,, P., Lord M. and Mr. W.] 

Mrs. B. I took the liberty, Harriet, to invite Mr. Seymour 
here this evening. 

Ada. What ! Mr. Seymour ? You really do not mean it, 
Aunt ? 

Mrs. B. Yes, but— 

Mrs. W. I regret, Martha, you did not tell us this before. 
We would never have come if we had known it. 

Ada. I do not .see how it is possible, under the circum- 
stances, that you could invite him. If he takes advantage of 
your invitation, I shall leave the house the moment he arrives. 

Mrs. B. I'll explain. 

S^Enter Mr. W.] 

Ada. Here is pa. 

Mrs. W. David, just think what Martha has been doing ! 

Mr. \V. Well, let me see. Oh, I guess she has been marry- 
ing the Colonel ! 

Mrs. B. Nonsense, David, nonsense ! 

Mrs- W. She has invited Mr. Seymour here this evening. 

Mr. W. Mr. Seymour ! Well, Martha is evidently fond of 
excitement. 

Mrs. B. Now, do let me explain ! 

Ada. Explain ! No explanation is necessary. You have 
not the slightest regard for my feelings — for Lord Marley 's 
feelings. You would place him in a position to be insulted. 
No ! I shall not stop here another moment. Come, ma, let 
us go ! Pa, tell Lord Marley I wish to see him at once. 

Mr. VV. Now, wait ! 

Mrs. S. Ada is unnecessarily excited. I sent Mr. Seymour 



77 

an invitation out of mere courtesy, just for old time's sake, be- 
lieving that he would not take advantageof the same, but I 
understand that he will be here with Edith. 

Ada. Then, as it is a certainty that he will be here, I shall 
go away at once. Pa, tell I^ord Marley I would like to see 
him. 

Mr. W. [Aside] If Mr. Seymour sees Ada they may be- 
come reconciled, and — and — there may be an elopement, and 
— and — 75^000 pounds may be saved. Oh, we are here now — 
let us stay. 

Mrs. B. Now, Ada, do listen to what I have to say ! 

Ada. No — I cannot — I cannot— I don't want to see him ! 
Will you, pa, tell Lord Marley ? 

Mrs. W. You have upset the dear child ! 

Mr. W. Now, don't get excited — Mr. Seymour will hardly 
come. 

Ada. I shall see Lord Marley myself ! [Moves towards 
the door.] 

Mrs. W. Ada, stop ! 

Ada. [Stopping] Well, ma ! 

Mrs. W. [Aside] You should not provoke your father. 
Remember, he has not settled on you the 75,000 pounds yet. 

Mrs. B. I understand there will not be the slightest chance 
of any trouble. Mr. Seymour is thoroughly reconciled to 
Ada's marriage, and I'm sure we all shall be the best of 
friends this evening. 

Mr. W. Of course, we' will ! Mr. Seymour always was a 
sensible fellow. 

Ada. Well, I shall do as pa says, though I would much 
prefer to be away. 

Mrs. W. I'm afraid, Martha, you spoiled our night's enjoy- 
ment. 

Mrs. B. Oh, I think not ! Mr. Seymour, I hear, has for- 
gotten and forgiven everything, and he, no doubt, will place 
Lord Marley and Ada at ease, and probably, before the night 
is over, you will be glad you came. 

{Enter Lord Marley.] 

Ada. I shall inform Lord Marley ; if he wishes to go, we 
shall retire. [Goes over and talks with him.] 



78 

Mrs. B I trust, Lord Marley, that my inviting Mr. Sey- 
mour here this evening will not be looked upon by you as any 
discourtesy. 

Lord M. Ah ! Mr. Seymour, the fellow that 

Ada. I assure you that aunt did not think he would take 
advantage of the invitation, or it would never have been sent. 

Mrs. B. He is thoroughly reconciled to Ada's marriage. 

Lord M. I am sure that his presence will not inconvenience 
me in the least, but as for Ada ! 

Ada. As long as his presence will not inconvenience you, 
why let him come. You see aunt is so kind-hearted that she 
lets her good nature dominate her judgment sometimes. 

Mrs. B. I am told you will find Mr. Seymour one of the 
most entertaining men in the world. He has quite forgotten 
his little trouble. 

Lord M, I'm sure that I have forgotten that little incident. 
[Aside.] Confound the fellow's impudence ! 

\E71ter Mr. Skymour, Mr. Graham a«^ Edith,] 

[Mr. Seymour introduces Mr. Graham.] 

Mr. VV. Mr. Seymour, how are you ! 

Mr. S. Ah, Mr. Williamson— How's the health? 

Mr. W. Excellent — and yours ? 

Mr. S. I never felt better in my life ! 

Mr. W. [Aside to Mr. S.] I'm glad to hear that. I'm 
sorry that little affair took place up at the house. 

Mr. S. What affair ? 

Mr. W. Why, that affair — you know — between you and 
Ada. 

Mr. S. Really I had almost forgotten about it. 

Mr. W. Well, I always thought you and Ada would be 
married. 

Mr. S. I thought so, too. 

Mr. VV. Do you know, I would much prefer you as a 
brother-in-law ? 

Mr. S. Thanks, Mr. Williamson, but it 'is all over now — 
Ada is happy in her choice. 

Mr. W. If I were a young man and were in love, I would 
never say die until she was married. Then I would consider 
it was all over between us. 



79 

Mr. S. You believe what's worth having is worth fighting 
for ? [Aside] What is he driving at ? 

Mr. W. Yes. I remember when a young man, a friend of 
mine was in love. ^Vell, the young woman's mother deter- 
mined that she should marry another, and the young man was 
forbidden the house. It wasn't all over between them — ah, no, 
not much. She was worth having and was worth fighting for' 
and he managed to see her alone, pleaded with her, an elope- 
ment took place, a marriage, and she was forgiven by her 
parents. Now, I liked that young man more and more since 
that event. I would act that way myself 

Mr. S. [Aside ] He's hinting tor me to elope with Ada ! 

Mr. S. Mr. Williamson, all men are not alike. If there be 
not enough love in the woman for the man as to resent the 
forcing of a husband on her, then I would much prefer that 
she married the other 

Mr. S. [Goes over to Lord Marley.] Ah, I,ord Marley, I 
trust that little incident has been forgotten. 

Lord M. Ah — yes, quite ! 

Mr. S. But it was deucedly natural to act as I did, you 
know ! To lose such an amazing fine creature as Miss Will- 
iamson, is enough to make a man irresponsible for his actions. 

Lord M. Ah ! 

Mr. S. [To Ada.] Miss Ada, allow me to congratulate 
you. The more I think of it, I recognize that you were made 
to shine in a more charming circle than I could introduce you. 

Lord M. [Aside ] Is the fellow mocking me ? 

Ada. [Aside.] [I thought he would get over it !] I'm 
sure, Mr. Seymour, you have developed in a very short time 
into a consummate flatterer. 

Mr. S. It's but the ebulition of my feelings at seeing two 
natures —two hearts that were moulded for each other. [Aside.] 
There is no flattery in that ! 

Lord M. [Aside.] The fellow is deucedly friendly. There 
is something up ! 

Ada. I trust some day I may have a chance to reciprocate 
those kindly feelings. 

Mr. S. [Aside.] Yes— kindly feelings ! 

Mrs. W. [Coming over.] I beg to apologize, Mr. Seymour, 
for my harsh manner You see Ada fell in love with Lord 
Marley, and she didn't have the heart to tell vou. 



8o 

Mr- S- Don't mention it, my dear Mrs. Williamson. No 
one more than I am pleased at the course affairs have taken. 

Mrs, W. [Aside ] My dear Mrs. Williamson ! He's 
a little too friendly. He means something.] Do you mean it ? 

Mr. S. Mean it ? Why, Ada was never cut out for a Mrs. 
Seymour ! As L^ady Marley she will find her true position. 

Mrs. W. Ah, thanks, Mr. Seymour. We shall always be 
friends. 

Mr. S. Yes, friends ! 

Mrs. W. [Aside ] I don't like his too friendly way. He 
never was so before, why should he be now ? [Mr. Seymour 
goes over to Mr. Graham and converses.] 

Lord M. Ada, isn't Mr. Seymour very friendly this even- 
ing ? 

Ada. Yes, somewhat. It seems strange ! 

Mr. S. [To Mr. Graham.] Do you recognize him ? 

Mr. G. No! 

Ed^th^ } [^^"^P"'"^-^ ^°- 

Mr. G. That is, not positively. There is a resemblance 
between him and one Smith, a notorious confidence man, but 
I haven't had occasion to come in contact with, professionally, 
for some time. I have several photographs in my pocket, and 
when the opportunity occurs I'll make comparisons I assure 
you, though, he is NOT Lord Marley. 

Edith. I shall engage Lord Marley in conversation. [Goes 
over to Lord Marley, Mrs. B., Col. P., Mr. Graham and Mr. 
Sevmour in one group.] 

Edith. What a happy couple you seem to be. 

Lord M. Ah, thanks, very much ! 

Ada. I could say the same of you and Mr. Seymour. 

Edith. But don't. I suppose. Lord Marlej^ you will sail 
soon ? 

Lord AL Oh, yes. My father. Earl Glenore, is very anx- 
ious to see my wife. [Converse in dumb show.] 

Mrs. B. Do you recognize him, Mr. Graham ? 

Mr. G. One moment. [Takes several photographs from 
pocket ; looks at Lord M., then at photograph ] Yes. 

Mr. S. Who is he ? 

Mr. G. One Peter Smith, a notorious confidence man. 



8i 

Col. p. I^ef s throw him out of the window. 

Mrs. B. Colonel, do nothing rash— he might hurt you. We 
shall have dmner. You gentlemen can decide what is best to 
be done. 

{Enter servant ; announces dinner. ~\ 

Mrs. B. Come, I^ord Marley— Ada— to dinner. [Exit all.] 

{Enter Mr. Forrest.] 

Mr. F. I wonder what success they had This test vindi- 
cates me (by the way, from my poor success, I'm sadly in need 
of a vmdication), or relegates me to the domain of an ass. 

{Enter Charles.] 

Mr F. Well, what ^success? Is it a case of meeting the 

enemy and we are his, or meeting the enemy and he is ours ? 

Charles. All is lovely ! 

Mr F. Who is he?' What is he? Where did he come 
from ? 

Charles. Ah, his name is Peter ! 

Mr. F. Peter ! Peter ! Peter what ? 

Charles. Peter Smith. 

Mr. F. Greater Caesar !— Peter Smith ! What a fall there 
was, my countrymen— from Lord Marley to Peter Smith ' 
The blow to the Williamsons will be simply mortifying ! 

Charles. If his name had been Clarence Bradshaw, or some 
other name less plebeian than Pt.'er Smich, it would take half 
the sting out of it, but to find out that Ada was to marrj- a man 
ot such a patronymic will be simply crushing. 

{EntsrQoh. P, Mr. G., Mrs. F. and J^,T>iTn.'] 

Col. p. A1: ! Mr. Forrest, you are on hand for the grand 
finale 

Mr. F. [Looking at the top of his shoes] It looks that 
way ! 

Col. p. The points are rather sharp, and show great pene- 
trating power, and all for this occasion, I suppose ? 

Mr. F. Right you are. Colonel ! I trust I may have the 
pleasure of wearing down the points somewhat- 



8a 

Mrs. B. Mr. Forrest, uo violence must be used. He must 
take his departure quietl5^ 

Mr. F. Seven dollars gone for naught ! 

Col. p. Oh, preserve them until you become a married man 
with several unmarried daughters, and then you may have a 
chance to bring them into requisition, and will have an oppor- 
tunity to wear down the points on some objectionable suitor. 

Mrs. B. Such advice, Col. Potter ! 

Edith. Col. Potter is always willing to extend to our sex 
every protection, even seven-dollar well-pointed shoes ! 

Mrs. B. Come, Edith, we shall join Ada. The gentlemen, 
I'm sure, will take care of his lordship. [Exit both.] 

Mr. F. Well, what's best to be done ? 

Charles. The same formula. I'll summon the household 
with " what ho" Expose the rascal, and that is about all we 
can do. In deference to the wishes of Mrs. Braddox those 
seven-dollar shoes cannot be brought into play. 

CoL. P. He comes ! 

[Enfer Lord Marley.] 

Charles. Ah, Lord Marley ! 

Lord M. All here ? I have been enjoying a quiet smoke. 

Charles. Allow me, Lord Marle3% to re-introduce to you an 
old friend. 

Lord M. [Aside.] That fellow here ! 

Charles Mr. Forrest is like myself; he has nothing but re- 
grets at his mistake. 

Lord M. I'm sure it was natural under the circumstances. 
When I return home, it will be a good story to tell, I'm sure. 

Mr. F. [Aside] The devil it will. 

Col. P. [Aside.] He's a good one ! 

Mr. F. Ah, Lord Marley, it was a deucedly awkward mis- 
take I made at that time, wasn't it ? 

Lord M. [Aside. Something is up !] Ah, yes, Mr. 
Forrest ! 

Charles. But he will not make that mistake again, will 
you, Edward ? 

Mr. F. Not much ! 

Col. p. [Aside] Give him a broadside, Mr. Seymour. 

Charles. [Goes over, slaps Lord M. on the back.] Don't 
you think so, too, Peter ? 



83 

Lord M. Sir ! What's the meaning of this ? Are you 
addressing me ? 

Charles. You are the only Peter in the house. 

Lord M. Such insolence ! 

Charles. Come, come, Peter, your race is run ! You're 
on the home stretch. Let your exit be in keeping with the 
dignity of your assumed title. 

Lord M. 'Pon my word, is it a joke, or have I fallen among 
madmen ? 

Charles. Peter — Peter — Peter Smith, it's no joke. 

Lord M. I shall call for assistauce. [Moves towards the 
door. Charles, Mr. F. and Col. P. prevent his exit] 

Charles. Oh, no, I cannot allow that ! At present you 
are our guest. Allow me ! [Calls] What ho ! what ho ! help ! 
help! 

yEnter all on a run.^ 

Mrs. W. Who calls ? What's the trouble ? 

Charles. I. It's the influence of Lord Marley's example ! 

Lord M. I must retire at once. The man is surely mad ! 

Charles. [Stopping him.] Not yet, Peter ! 

Ada. Mr. Seymour, are you losing your senses ? 

Charles. 1 11 explain. 

Ada. You shall do nothing of the kind. I can now see the 
object of your coming here was only to insult Lord Marley, 
and you, aunt, have been responsible for it. It's just what I 
expected. Come, ma, pa, let us go ! 

Mrs. W. Is it possible, Martha, you stand here and allow 
this outrage ? Are you among the plotters against your own 
flesh and blood ? 

Mrs. B. Mr. Seymour must have some justification for his 
action. 

Charles. The justification is — that man is an impostor ! 

Ada. It's false, and you know it ! We are not so stupid 
as not to comprehend your purpose. And this is your revenge ? 
Oh, what manliness to come here and insult Lord Marley and 
me before the guests ! 

Col. p. Miss Ada, you do Mr. Seymour injustice. 

Ada. And you, too. Col. Potter, sink to the level of Mr. 
Seymour ! 



84 

Mr. W. I'll not allow 1113' daughter to be insulted ! 

Charles. Mr. Forrest's original assertion is true. He has 
made an investigation, and his story was substantiated. 

Ada. It is not ! Oh, tell us — tell me, L^ord Marley, that it 
is untrue ! 

Lord M. I assure you it is false. It's an awkward mistake. 

Ada. I knew it ? Now, Mr. Seymour, are you satisfied ? 

Charles. Mr. Williamson, this man has assumed the title 
of the real Lord Marley, and as your daughter is to be married 
to morrow, we have taken this, our first opportunity, to expose 
him. We can prove everything. 

Ada. [Excitedly.] Well, go ahead — go ahead. Why don't 
you do it ? 

Mrs. B. Ada, allow Mr Si.vmour to proceed. 

Ada. Oh, I'll allow him. Mr Forre.st tried the same thing 
once, and j^ou know the resalt. I hope you will treat Mr. 
Seymour as Ma treated Mr. Forrest ! 

Charles. Mr. Forrest hai taken upon himself to expose 
this rascal, and has with mm a gentleman whose business it is 
to make the acquaintance of his kind. 

Mr. F. Mr. Graham, doy n not recognize an old acquaint- 
ance ? 

Mr. G. Ah, Peter Smith, have we not met before ? 

Lord M. Sir, you have the advantage of me ! 

Mr. G. I am glad that you recognize that I have. 

Lord M. 'Pou honor, another madman ! 

Ada Oh, your last experience, Mr. Forrest, didn't have 
much efiect, did it ? 

Mrs. W. This is the second time, sir, that you have inter- 
fered in our family afi^airs. 

Mr. F. I assure you with the best intent. 

Lord M. Come, Ada, let us go ! 

.'\da. Yes, and we shall never put our feet inside of this 
house again. 

Mrs. W. We sb.all leave at once ! This was the last thing 
I expected from you, Martha ! 

[Lord Marley and Ada move towards the door.] 

Mr. G. [Preventing his exit.] Not so fast, Peter. You 
have gone far enough — give the game up ! 

Ada. Who is this man ? 



8s 

Lord M. I'm sure I don't know. 

Mr. G. Miss, I am an English detective, and this man is a 
well known English confidence man. He is well acquainted 
with jail life. 

Ada. It is not so ! He is noble and true. You have slan 
dered a noble gentleman ! Oh, I can see it all ! Mr. Seymour 
is using you as an instrument of his revenge. Come, I^ord 
Marley. [About to retire with Lord M] 

Charles Let us have the photograph, Mr. Graham. [Mr. 
G hands photograph.] If you will but look at this photograph 
and at Peter Smith, you will find they are identical. [Hands it ] 

Ada. [Taking it ] There ! [Throws it on the floor.] 
There's my judgment — this my faith in Lord Marley. [Throws 
arms about him.] 

Mr. W. [Aside ] My 75,000 pounds looks to be all right ! 
I Goes over, picks up photograph. Mrs. W. goes over also. 
Both look at the photograph and at Lord M.] 

Mrs. W. Oh, mercy, what is this? 

Mr. W. [Reads.] Peter Smith, alias Sir William Smith, 
alias Captain Sterling, alias Sir Charles Manning. Notorious 
confidence man. Served several terms in jail. 

Mrs. W. Oh, this is cruel ! cruel ! cruel ! 

Ada. [Hysterically.] But is is not true, ma ! It cannot be. 
I cannot believe it — 1 will not. It's a vile conspiracy. It's 
false — false ! It's Mr. Seymour's — Mr. Forrest's revenge — and 
— and you, ma, believe them ! Oh ! tell me, Lord Marley, that 
it is not true ! Ob, ma, ma ! [Falls fainting in Lord M 's 
arms ] 

Mrs. W. [Running over] Mv child ! My child ! 

Mr. S. [Aside to L- M] You rascal ! 

Mr. F. [Aside] Oh, if I could only use those seven dollar 
shoes on him ! 

Ada. [Recovering] Have they gone ? 

Mrs. B. Bear up, my dear child, under this affliction. 

Ada. Oh, Lord Marley. did they harm you ? 

Mr. S. [Grabbing him] You scoundrel, admit your ras 
cality ! 

Ada. No ! no ! you shall not harm him ! Come ! come ! 
come away ! [Pulls him by the arm ] 

Mrs. W. My child, be calm ! be calm ! Come, dear, this 
man has deceived us all ! 



86 

Ada. So you, too, are trying to steal Lord Marley from me. 
You, pa, aunt — all— all — all against me ! But you shall not ! 
Oh, you have broken my heart ! [Faints.] 

Mrs. W. Oh, this cruel blow will unsettle her reason ! 

Mrs. B. Be calm, Ada, this is for the best. 

Mr, \V. You rascal, if you don't end this suspense I'll — 
[Advances.] 

Mrs. B. Mr. Williamson, pray no violence ! 

Mr. W. Let him answer then at once ! 

Lord M. [Aside — The game is up.] Am I to have your 
protection, then ? 

Mrs. B. You shall — no harm shall befall you here. 

Lord M. Ah, yes, it's true, but don't blame me. I could 
not help it, I'm sure. Don't think harshly of me ; be charit- 
able. I was led into temptation and fell. 

Ada. Then it is true ! Oh ma ! 

Mrs. W. Arrest him ! Arrest him ! Call an officer ! 

Ada. Yes ! Yes — arrest him ! 

Mr. G. On what charge, madam ? 

Mrs. W. He is an impostor— a villain ! 

Mr. G. Has he robbed you of anything ? 

Mrs. W. He has broken my dear girl's heart ! 

M. VV. [Aside] He borrowed 5^2,000 fro m me, last week. 
I'll keep it quiet ! 

Mr. S. Nothing can be done. He has violated no law — 
committed no crime ! 

Mrs, W. Oh, you villain, why did you choose my darling 
as a victim ? 

Lord M. I'll explain ! I am a confidence man, and have 
always sought the easiest way to obtain a living. For some 
time past my success in the old country was poor. My thoughts 
turned towards this country, and I was led to believe it was 
the easiest thing in the world to succeed in the role I assumed, 
and I have seen nothing to change that opinion yet. I would 
be successful but for that deucedly unfortunate circumstance 
of Mr. Forrest being in England. His story was true ; Lord 
Marley dia sail on a trip around the world, and I took advan- 
tage of it. The temptation was so great, and the chances ot 
success so certain, that I could not resist. Don't blame me — 
blame yourselves ! 

Mr, VV [Aside] Those 75,000 pounds are all right ! 



87 

Miss R. [Aside to Miss S.] I thought so ! 

Miss S. Just as I expected ! 

Miss R. I had an idea all along that there was something 
wrong. 

Miss S. When you come to think of it, isn't he common 
looking ? 

Miss R. I should say so ! 

Miss S. I'm glad I am not Ada. 

Miss R. I wouldn't be her for the world ! 

Miss S. It will be the talk of the town ! 

Charles. Well, it's a candid story, and no doubt true. 

Mr W. Come to think of it, we were the tempters. 

Mrs. W. Mr. Forrest, I thank you for your disinterested- 
ness in Ada's behalf. 

Mr. W. How can I ever repay you for this great service to 
our family ? [Aside.] It's a lucky thing for my 75,000 pounds 
that there was a Mr. Forrest in the world ! What a racket the 
fellow would have have ! 

Mrs. W. I trust, Mr. Seymour, you will forgive us. Ada 
was fascinated by that fellow, but her heart, I'm sure, always 
belonged to you. 

Ada. Mr. Seymour, pray forgive me. 

Charles. Miss Ada, I do forgive you. You would indeed 
be a rare woman who could or would act diflferently under the 
circumstances, but, dear friends, amid all this glitter of rank, 
this fascination for title, which seems to turn people's heads, 
and ' ' draw out their very soul and senses, leaving them mere 
automatons," to be swayed by him who is possessed of the 
same, we find some in whom reason predominates — who recog- 
nize that moral and intellectual worth count for something — 
rank, position, title for nothing, when standing alone. Such a 
one I have found in Miss Edith, my afl&cianced wile. 

Ada. [Startled] Oh, ma, what will become of me ? 

Mrs. W. [Aside] My child, bear up ! 

Col. p. Amid all these joys, all these sorrows, I have 
found one who is willing to smooth my path to the grave — my 
angel, Mrs. Braddox. 

Mrs. B. Oh, Colonel Potter ! 



88 

Charles. Ah, dear friends, many lives are spent 

In frivolous thought and vain intent. 
Edith. To struggle for position may be worldly wise, 

Not honorable though, if therein honor dies. 
Mrs. B. Position, rank and honor are not things apart, 

If honorably gained by an honest heart. 
Col. p. The world of fashion is our thought in the main, 

And millions struggle to its inner circle attain. 
Lord M. The world is all vanity, all fashion, all pride, 

Upon which to affluence I thought to ride. 

But 

[Mr. S. here takes him by the arm, points to the door. They 
move slowly towards door.] 

Charles. fPointing] By Jove ! Every inch a lord ! Ha ! 
ha ! ha ! 



[END.] 



C 32 89 













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